Even When Dreams are Broken ... There's Always Tomorrow

I'm Just a Ghost in this House

2009-09-08T09:37:00.003-04:00

Well, it's 9:30 am and the house is quiet. No pattering of feet ... no Noggin or Nick Jr. blaring simultaneously from at least two TV's in the house. No slamming of the fridge or freezer door every few minutes. Wow.

This is weird.

Today is the first official day when all three of my children are at school. Ben and Brad went back in late August - but Mary just started back to preschool today. She dressed & fluffed in record time and then waited at the garage door with her backpack secured until Steve came down to take her. She kept looking up at me saying, "Today I go to school? Ohhh ... today I go to school!"

There is such a fine line between cheering for your children's milestones and curling up in a fetal position out of sadness that the milestones have arrived. It's like you feel both elated and deflated in one emotion. And the cycle continues until you reach the day that they fly out of the nest altogether and make their way into the world. Ahhh ... one of the many paradoxes of parenting.

So, today I am feeling both elated and deflated ... and I know that it's perfectly normal that I feel this way. The quiet is nice on one hand ... but on the other ...

Well, I guess when you come to these moments as parents, you have a choice to make. You can sit in the silence and feel sad ... or you can get up and make some noise of your own. My children are healthy, happy, and hopefully enjoying their mornings very much. So, while doing laundry, making beds, and packing up for our soon-to-begin house remodel, I think I will turn on at least two TV's ... blaring the Food Network ... and see what's in the fridge ... and freezer ... several times in a row.

Hey, we're all somebody's kid ... might as well take my turn before Mary gets out at 11:30!

Have your own great morning, friends.

my sen10r

2009-08-25T08:05:00.006-04:00

Well, I've known this day was coming. For so many years, it has seemed so far away ... and yet ... what was far away is now the present and really can't believe it is true. My little Benny is now my 17 year-old Ben, and he is a ... senior.

Does Maylox come in 50-gallon drums?

Are you stinking kidding me? It's here? Why?
Wow, I guess you aren't ... and it is ... and because it's time.

I woke up at 4am to the sound of Mary in the bathroom wrestling to get her panties down for her middle-o'-the-night pit stop. She wanted some milk to drink and so I trudged down to the fridge to fill her sippy cup, because quite honestly, what is a pit stop without snacks? After the re-tuckage and re-kissage, I settled back in my own bedroom only to find that the Sandman had left the building. I tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling for a while. There was so much rolling through my mind and replaying - as if the back of my head were a drive-in movie screen. I thought about what today was going to represent for me - the milestones that were being piled up - and how far down the road I've traveled...

Benny and I were strapped in an old beige station wagon. Rick had gotten it at the car sale with his father and it filled a nice gap for us as a young couple ... however, it was one ugly ride. I can't even believe how horribly and violently bland that station wagon was. Anyway, I digress ...
We were strapped in and headed to First Presbyterian for Ben's first day of 2 year-old preschool. As we winded down the old farmhouse driveway and headed for the highway, Ben slid his little hand across the seat and took mine. I looked down into his huge blue eyes and in a very small, nervous voice he said, "Mommy, pray. Pray big." So I prayed big. Ben's biggest fear was that he was not completely potty trained and the requirement for preschool back then was no pull ups. He had to be in "big boy pants" ... and although he loved the cottony softness they afforded ... he did not completely trust his ability to keep them dry all morning. So, my little man was fretting and I was praying big and down the road we went.

This morning around 8am, my bedroom door opened and in walked my fully-grown and quite independent 17 year-old Ben. The years have turned him into everything I ever wanted for his life. Now mind you, he knows the areas he needs to work on ... and I could make a list ... but in all the things that really matter ... that really move my heart ...

Ben is.

We've walked some awesome roads together ... and we've weathered some pretty horrific storms together ... and as the years have passed, he's grown and stretched ... and thankfully gotten potty trained, too. :)
As he walked over to my bedside to tell me goodbye for the first day of his senior year, he leaned over to give me a smooch on the cheek. As he leaned back up, I said, "Hey, give me that face again." With a bit of an eye roll and a chuckle, he leaned over and I put my hands on each side of his face. I stared at him, for just that moment, and the face of the little Benny in the car on the way to his first day of 2 year-old preschool was blurred by whiskers, braces, and ohhhh, that infamous long hair. Ben had no idea the volume of thoughts that were rushing through my noggin as I stared at him. It was one of those times when I felt Rick's absence. One of those milestone days that I just hoped the Lord allowed Rick a peek at life down here - to see the milestone with me, if only for a second. I don't get those pangs often ... but I've expected them all along. It didn't make me sad as much as I just hoped he'd get a peek, you know? It was a big day.
As Ben smiled and stood back up, I got my glimpse. I knew if I held that face long enough, I'd see Benny in there somewhere ... and I did ... in the sparkle of his huge blue eyes.

He didn't need me so much this morning. He's growing up, up, and away ... as well he should be at this point in the game. I didn't need to strap him in a car seat or drive him to school. He didn't need my calm reassurance like he did so many years ago. I said, "Well, it's your senior year, son. Class of 2010 ... it's here! Are you nervous?" Ben looked back in the doorway and said, "Nah, I'm good. I'll call you when I get out, okay?"

And off he went.

As he started up his SUV and headed down they driveway with his music blaring and his energy stoked ... I was in my bed, and in my heart ...

I was praying big.

That, dear friends, will never change.

A Mother's Improv

2009-08-24T09:50:00.006-04:00

I don't know how Sundays are for all of you people ... but for us ... they can be a downright free-for-all. Rarely does Sunday run like a well-oiled machine and it seems that no matter how much pre-prep I do ... there's always the frantic countdown to the car ride. We are part of a new church plant here in Asheboro and because we are occupying the chapel of an existing church, our weekly services are going to be in the evenings instead of the mornings. You would think this would be a clear advantage in my plight for greasy Sunday gearing ... but so far it's a no go. Yesterday was no exception.
I began with plenty of time to spare. I had to iron 3 outfits, pack Brad's overnight frog-backpack for an after church spend the night at Grandma's, get Brad and Mary dressed, get myself dressed, and yell at Ben to get dressed (multiple times) ... but even still, I was running ahead of schedule and feeling rather hopeful that this was to be the Sunday that came off without a hitch.

What was I thinking?

The finish line was in sight. Brad was dressed and packed for Grandma's, Ben was drying his hair, Mary was pressed and dressed in her perfectly matched hot pink and white leggings, skirt, and bleached white shirt with the pretty crocheted neckline. She even had hot pink and white pony-tail holders in her hair and she was the picture of 3 year-old cuteness. All that remained was for Mommy to get on her makeup and clothes and we were outta there.

I had just done the "lean in" to apply my mascara in the mirror - mouth open in that funny way we women open it when we're putting on eye makeup - and all the sudden ... from the bedroom ... I hear ... Mary ... yelling ...

"Ohhhhh nooooo!!!!"

I didn't even want to look. I know what those two words mean ... and for a mother, it's never good news. I walked out of the bathroom to discover that Mary had wandered back into her bedroom and found her half-melted cherry popcicle and when she tipped it up to bite it ... cherry ... red, red cherry juice poured out of the wrapper and found a trail all the way down the very front of her bleached white shirt with the pretty crocheted neckline. I felt a sob well up in my throat as my hopes to get to church on time dashed against the rocks of reality. I wondered if somewhere in a cold, dark grave that Murphy dude who wrote all the laws was chuckling at me. Seriously? Cherry red on a bleached white shirt?

Could a bigger fish swallow me, please?

I ran in the bathroom, grabbed a wet washcloth and started to wipe ... I mean, moms are preprogrammed in the womb to grab a wet washcloth and start wiping - no matter what the emergency. I'm not sure what I expected to happen ... maybe a Sunday miracle ... but I am pretty sure I am smart enough to know that a wet washcloth + red, red cherry popcicle = smear. However, my instincts gave me no choice. I grabbed, I wiped ... ahhhhh ... I discovered. Wet washcloth + red, red cherry popcicle = pink. Then a brilliant, yet temporarily insane thought exploded in my head. I looked at the clock, pondered it for all of 2.7 seconds, and said, "Mary, hand Mommy your popcicle."

Yes, I did it.

I took my fingers and began splashing red, red cherry popcicle all over Mary's bleached white shirt with the pretty crocheted neckline. Front, back, sleeves ... all of it. Mary was staring at me like I had two heads and a unicorn horn growing out of my forehead ... and I said, "Mary, Mommy is doing something grown-ups call improvising. It's when you take what you've got and you work with it. So, Mommy is working with it. Mommy is not saying that it is okay to put popcicle juice all over your clothes ... but we're out of time and Mommy does not have time to change your whole outfit. So, it will dry and you will smell glorious." Mary said, "Wow Mommy, this if fun!"

By the time my speech concluded, I had splashed and wiped the whole masterpiece down and Mary stood before me in the cutest pink tie-dyed shirt you've ever seen. She matched perfectly and went back to putting on my mascara. I am woman ...

Hear me roar.

I think I feel a devotion coming on ...

Just Wanna Know He's Keeping Count

2009-08-11T11:37:00.004-04:00

"But even the hairs of your head are all numbered."
Matthew 10:30 ESV

Well it comes down to this ...
I'm molting.

It started about 8 weeks ago and for most of the 8, I stayed in denial. I would randomly mention how much I was shedding, as if my words became some sort of life-preserver I'd throw out into the void hoping that some listener might say, "Oh, I'm losing a ton of hair right now, too.", and it would serve to reassure me that what was happening in my bathroom each morning was normal. Every time I'd toss that ring of words out ... inevitably someone would say what I wanted to hear. And the weeks passed.

It wasn't until I admitted there was enough DNA on the tile floor to provide Dr.Frankenstein the raw material for a dozen incarnations that I broke down and contacted my dermatologist. After hearing me freak out in my "admitting is the first step" sort of mode, this was his response:

"You'll survive, but this scares everyone I know. You almost certainly have telogen effluvium, which is a substantial and fast hair loss that occurs 3-6 months after some major health issue/major stresser etc. It also happens "for no reason" at all sometimes, but even then, it is usually in a young woman (very young in your case!). The good news is that it does reverse course usually. However, you should have blood work just to make darn sure nothing else is going on (e.g. Thyroid, CBC etc.) What I would do no matter what is use Rogaine 5% foam for Men (the "Men" thing is just marketing so ignore it!!) twice a day. The foam form is MUCH easier to use (but even it is a pain to some extent). You will get your hair back eventually once the follicles reset, but we do need the blood work just to be sure we don't miss anything."

Listen people ... I wouldn't advice doing a google image on this condition. My niece gave the same warning to me - to which I promptly went over to google and did an image search on it. So, I'm guessing about right now you are ignoring me and going over to google it for yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you. Yeh, well, I figured if you were gonna do it anyway, I'd save you the trouble of remembering how to spell it.

Let me just tell you ... anyone who knows me knows that my big hair is right up there with world peace and hot Krispy Kremes. I mean ... big hair is ... well ... it's just about the best thing ever. I am known for my big hair. So in a sense, I am having an identity crisis. Mine does not look anywhere near the horrors on google ... but you have to keep in mind that if you have one ounce of my mother's blood in you ... your hair is thick as molasses on a January morning. So, truthfully, I could lose a ton and still have a ton. However, I can certainly tell that it is half as thick as it normally is and that, cyberfriends, is enough to make me really scared. Every morning I hope and pray that it won't happen again ... but so far ... it's still happening. Not an hour ago, I swept Cousin It up off my bathroom floor.

I think the pain and steroid injections for my neck and back, coupled with the 2009 trauma of my dear, dear friend Ginger has, quite honestly, caused this follicle frenzy. So, today, as I wait for my scalp to reboot itself ... I find great comfort in this Matthew passage that reminds me that even though I am losing hundreds of strands a day ...

"I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end...
Just Want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now."
~ Nichole Nordeman

I know He knows ...

Geocaching, Prayerstorming, and Belly Rubs

2009-08-08T22:51:00.009-04:00

Well, all's quiet on the Eastern Front.

My two little ones are asleep in their nice cozy beds. Ben is hanging out with cousins and most likely "geocaching" somewhere in our fair city. He's determined to find a treasure yet ... or at least something cool in one of those capsules.

Steve is in Brussels and as of his last email to me which was about 30 minutes ago, he was finishing up a burger and heading for bed. He'll sleep a few hours and then hit the American cockpit to fly home again ...
home again ...
jiggity
jig.

So who does that leave?

It leaves ...

MOI

And MOI is a happy camper.

Ahhhhh ... it's been a peaceful evening. I have been in bed since 8:30 and I've had almost two and a half hours of uninterrupted time with the Lord to work on an upcoming ladies retreat I am doing at North Myrtle Beach in October. I don't know when I've had two and a half hours of uninterrupted time with the Lord lately. It's been Heavenlish.

I came up with a new word tonight. At least, I think I made it up. If you've heard it ... don't tell me. I'm feeling pretty amazing right now.

When I emailed Steve back to tell him what I was doing, the word, "prayerstorming" came to me. I would have said "brainstorming" ... but it wasn't appropriate. That you do with your mind. What I have been trying to do tonight is with my heart. It has been brimming over for days and days now with the oodles of spiritual thoughts and questions I've gathered up over the past couple of weeks ... so the only word that came to mind when trying to explain to Steve was ... "prayerstorming". I think I love this word. Think I could sell it to Zondervan or something? Do they buy words? It's such a good one. Eeeek. :)

So this prayerstorming of mine was flowing like a sweet September river and all the sudden, I felt a fluffly lump of sweetness jump up on me. It's our Maltipoo named Jesso and I love her so much I could squeeze the curl right out of her fur. So, since she stopped by my Temperpedic to give me some kisses and to bum a belly rub off of me ... it only seemed right to capture the moment and share her cuteness with the world. Dawn and Emily will be so proud. So ... ladies and gentlemen ... I give you the juiciest little pup this side of the Mississip' ... and yes ... that is one chocolate eye you see. I'm tellin' you ... she's juicy.

JESSO

So, it's looking like tonight has been win/win for everyone.

Little ones are nestled ...
Ben's off treasure hunting ...
Steve is full of beef and snoring by now ...
I'm making up awesome new words and spending time with my Maker ...
And Jesso's gettin' her a belly rub.

Good times ... good times.

Mabes, Mountains, and Mayhem

2009-08-03T15:18:00.007-04:00

Ok, second day of photo blogging. I can tell this is going to change my life. :)

My oldest sister's name is Sharon. However, since 1986 I have called her Mabes. It's a nickname that came from a silly conversation we had and for whatever reason, it stuck. For over 20 years now ... it has stuck. My children even call her Aunt Mabes. It's a hoot.
She and her family left this morning to take my parents for a week in the NC mountains. To say that was a car full of people who needed an little R&R is the understatement of the century. I called to talk to them a little while ago and Mabes said that she'd have to call me back because they were walking into the emergency room with my mother. Apparently, Mama got to the bottom of the stairs of the cabin they rented and her toe caught and she fell down and gashed her head above her eye and also whacked her ear. They are going to sew her up and do a scan of her head just to make sure she is alright. I can't say how upsetting it is to find this out. I mean, I know God knows just how much they all need a break from the chaos of daily life around here ... so I just can't quite grasp why this had to happen. It's so hard to see God in some of the things that interrupt our daily lives. I know He has a reason for everything ... so I will choose to stand on that. However, my heart just aches to think that the first night of their mountain vacation has started off in such an awful way. Even still ...

There is no power above or beside Him, we know ... God is in control.

Mama, I hope you feel better tomorrow and that your week will be blessed with healing and laughter ... I am so sorry you are hurting tonight.

Here is a picture of me with Mabes and me with Mama. My mama sure looks pretty for 76 years old, doesn't she??? She was actually 74 when this was made, but she still looks just like this!

Photo blogging 101

2009-08-02T23:53:00.004-04:00

I'm just back from the Proverb31 SheSpeaks weekend and there was so much I crammed in my head about blogging ... I want to come home and do a complete brain dump. I want to learn more about how to go about this ... and I'm going to attempt to do one of the things I learned about, which was how to insert photos. All of my notes are upstairs and I am downstairs and feeling way too full with my mother's birthday cake from tonight to walk up and get them. So, I'm going to try and do this from memory. I hope it works. My new blogging friends will be so proud of me if this works from what I just retained from the class. Ok ... here goes nothing!

This is a picture of my sweet, sweet Mary. She's happiest when she's having her picture made. :) Notice how I have her placed in the intersection of the "thirds"?? How do you like that????

Oh my GOSH!!! I did it! Dawn is going to be so proud ... as well as all the other blogging gurus. I can't wait to tell them.

Ahhh ... I have listened ... I have learned ... I have conquered. Yesssssssssssssss

Brad on Luxury

2009-07-13T16:58:00.002-04:00

With this morning's torrential rainfall, needless to say, the pool at the club was shut down for chemical balancing. Mary was in her swimsuit before the breakfast dishes had even gotten suds'ed in the sink and we had to explain to her that the pool was closed for the day. Well ... let's just say ... she was disappointed. My ears are still ringing.

After lunch, Steve needed to make a Wal-Mart run and I suggested that if they weren't too expensive, he might want to get the kids one of those little plastic pools to put on the deck. He thought it was a great idea.

Steve headed off to Wally World and soon returned with a bright blue wading pool in the back of his truck. The kids were delighted. I thought Mary would be the only taker ... but Brad was just as excited ... and he soon emerged from his room wearing his bathing suit and goggles. He didn't care if there was only a foot of water to be explored ... he wanted goggles.

After the pool was full and brimming over with toy fish and bubble wands, I took leave of my little aquatic cuties and settled back on the sofa to watch them through the French doors. They giggled and splashed ... blew bubbles and jumped ... and then Brad suddenly felt the need to relax. I watched him climb in the pool and lay back. Then he reared back and hollered,

"MOM!!!!!!!"

I opened the door and looked down into his face. He was floating there with his hands folded behind his head, as if here were on the poop deck of a Carnival Cruise. He gazed up at me with the most peaceful, perfectly happy expression and he said,

"Mom, could you please get me a Diet Coke with Lime? I'm pretending that this is the life."

Help Me Believe, 'Cause I Don't Want to Miss the Miracles

2009-07-01T11:49:00.008-04:00

If I were to try to explain the last two years of my life to you, I'm pretty sure you would walk away from our time together needing a Xanax and possibly even a good, stiff drink - like, even if you are Baptist. :)

It's been a ride - the Thelma and Louise sort - and that is just putting it mildly. It began with walking through a divorce with my sister and for all those months I felt like my whole family was running around Donna and the nieces with buckets, baskets, and squeegees - just waiting for the messy clean ups to take place. It was horrific and in many ways ... it continues to be.
Then no sooner did we get Donna through the "Big D" (and I don't mean Dallas), and a well-timed phone call to a girlfriend revealed that her life was, as we spoke, falling completely apart. After almost 19 years of marriage, she found out that her husband - the one that had been the picture perfect Christian husband and father - was living a complete and total double life. Oh how I wish I could give you the details ... you would not ... could not ... believe them. It makes me need to watch a Madea movie about once every three days. Tyler Perry just needs to send me a bill for all of the counseling he's given me. It's like kicking complete butt without having to leave my living room. It's glorious.

I have to admit ... I've struggled ...
I'm struggling ...

It's like for many, many months I've been seeing the very worst of humanity. I've had no issues with God ... in fact, the only upside to the whole thing is that it's ushered me into knowing Him more fully and trusting in His plans for us, more and more. BUT, let me say ... it's not the same with people.

People are giving me pause.
Some Christians are giving me greater pause.
Oh snap, I feel a Madea moment coming on ... I'll be right back ...

It's like I've been drowning in tears ... the tears of those I love ... and it's all because of the hurts inflicted on them by people. People that are supposed to care. People that were supposed to love and cherish them no matter what. People that claim to walk in love.

You could fool me.

It's been heavy. Really heavy. I don't want to lose heart. I don't want to fall into complete cynicism and I'm not ... but ... I'm learning that it's a slippery slope.

Then, along came Aster.

I took a road trip this past weekend to visit the friend who is trying to pick up the pieces. I took the buckets, baskets, and squeegees with me in the back of the Cruiser.

Before we picked up the last gal at the airport, I was alone in the car for several hours with my friend, Renee. They are in the process of adopting a sweet baby girl from Ethiopia. You can read all about it on her blog.
Basically, as we drove along I-85, she got the news that one of her best friend's daughters, Hope, was in Ethiopia on a missions trip and the host family she was staying with drove her two hours to the orphanage where Aster (which is her Ethiopian name) is living. They had informed Hope that the orphanages over there were not very open to outside visitors and the odds of seeing Aster were slim. If she were given the opportunity to see her, it would most likely be from a distance. Well, the unexpected happened and not only did Hope get to see Aster ... but she got to hold and play with her for over an hour. All the way across the world ... in a small orphanage ... there was Hope.

Hope in unexpected places.

Right slam in the middle of our road trip ... while we were talking about all the disgusting details of our friend's situation ... Renee's phone rang ... and it was her friend Holly ... telling her that Hope had been able to hold Aster and she was online chatting with her about it. For the next several miles, Renee talked through Holly on the phone, to Hope in Ethiopia. I drove along beside her as Renee asked all kinds of motherly questions ... and laughed ... and cried ... and giggled when she found out Aster's feet were ticklish. I thought to myself, "What polarized conversation is going on in this car today. In this corner we have a life that has been torn completely apart. In the other corner, we have a life that is just about to begin."

Renee had no idea the thoughts that were going through my head. I felt a surge of emotion welling up inside me the longer I heard the joyful conversation happening in the passenger seat beside me. I honestly felt ...

hope.

Hope in mankind. Hope in the future. Hope that even in the darkest places - at the darkest moments - life can begin again. People are still out there doing good on behalf of others ... like the family that selflessly drove two hours so that a young teenage girl from America just might get a glimpse of a baby that will be the daughter of a couple they will most likely never meet or befriend on this earth. That a friend would sit patiently and lovingly on the phone and talk with Renee while typing furiously on the computer with Hope to relay the fresh messages of Aster's juicy sweetness.

I don't know, for some reason, all of that going on in the car simultaneously - that polarization between a life crumbling and a life beginning - it brought some things full circle for me.

Simply put, I needed it.

It helped me draw a deep spiritual breath and it opened my eyes to see that in all of the recent events encircling my life ... I stand a good chance of becoming jaded - to a certain degree. I believe that God is still Sovereign. I believe that good is still happening in the world. I believe that happiness is not an endangered species.

But - these are weighty days.

My heart's desire is that the tension created by this whirling dervish of late will only serve to help my unbelief.

'Cause I don't want to miss the miracles.

The Fate of John and Kate

2009-06-23T00:47:00.008-04:00

I was just online and I'll have to confess this to you in order to make my point ...

I Googled myself.

I know, I felt like a silly goose ... but I did. In my defense, however, there was a reason why I was up after midnight typing my own name into the search bar. I mean, come on, what sane person would just Google their own name without a good reason?
::nervouslaughter::

I had a friend email me tonight to tell me she had someone who wanted a sample of my writing for some potential work and I wondered if any of my devotions would be easy to find if the person Googled me. So, I did a test run.

One of the entries immediately caught my eye because it contained the first line of my devotion entitled, "Crow Anyone?" I clicked on it and apparently in January of this year, a church in Kentucky used it in their women's newsletter. Funny how I wasn't aware they used it ... but I digress ...
As I scrolled down further in the newsletter, there was a huge picture of Kate Gosselin with John's arms around her and he was kissing the side of her head. Next to the picture it said that Kate was going to be their featured speaker in March and the title of her talk was going to be,

"Jesus - the Center of Successful Families"

Given the prime-time events of tonight, I sighed heavily and felt a lump come up in my throat when I read those words. That was in March, people. This is June. Do the math.

Now, I must also confess that I have not been on the Gosselin band-wagon, like apparently most Americans have been. Had my friend, Debbie King, not told me about them over spring break, I would still be in the dark. My heavens, I'm just now settling down from Jack Bauer being left on death's door in the season finale of 24 ... who are the Gosselins??? I mean, really? But, I have since then - quickly - caught up on the John and Kate situation and apparently things are not looking so rosey for them tonight.

So what has happened? I can't imagine that Kate stood in front of that church full of women in Kentucky a few months ago and didn't know that the words coming out of her mouth contained a pretty high percentage of crap. I know that is a bit harsh ... but what I mean by that is Kate was doing what the culture demanded of her. Rally a group of Christian women and throw in a celebrity mom and that is a recipe for revival.
I've been wrestling a bit in my pilgrimage these days with a statement made by my minister in a recent Community Group meeting we held at our house. He quoted:

"The Gospel came to the Greeks and the Greeks turned it into a philosophy.
The Gospel came to the Romans and the Romans turned it into a system.
The Gospel came to the Europeans and the Europeans turned it into a culture.
The Gospel came to America and the Americans turned it into a business."

As Tyler Perry's, "Madea" says, "That thing set down in my spirit ..." and it has been churning around ever since. That is such a powerfully profound statement. We have turned it into a business. Would John and Kate have dared show up at that church and said, "Ladies, we need your help. Our marriage is barely hanging on by a thread." Or did Kate put on her happy face and talk about how Jesus is at the center of successful families? Well, the truth is, Jesus is at the center of successful families ... but obviously no matter what the truth was in the reality of their lives ... they were paid to come and talk about how great everything was and how they owed it all to Jesus. And that would be awesome ... if it had been true for them. But somewhere along the way, the truth and integrity of it all got traded for the "business" of it all. What are we doing?

I don't even know how to end this blog ... or where I'm trying to land this plane ... I'm just frustrated. Some of what it stirs up in me, I can't even go into right now. It's too late and there's too much. I just had to journal how incredibly weird it made me feel to see that in the newsletter knowing that tonight the Gosselin's pretty much called it quits on national television. That is quite a leap from the March pep-rally for John, Kate, and Jesus.

I can't help but wonder if they'd be just fine ... John, Kate, and Jesus ... if they'd just stayed away from the cameras and concentrated on what "reality" really means.

What a sad irony.

Life is messy for everyone. None of us are exempt from the ups and downs of life on planet earth. But, I will say that something like this often helps me look at my own life and relationships and it usually makes me very thankful for what I have and who is in my life. This is a prime example.

Tomorrow, Steve will get home from what will most likely be a painful commute from JFK - only because it always is - and he will weather it because he wants to keep us living near family. He weathers a lot for our happiness. I will squeeze him extra tight when he gets here and I will be thankful for what we have together and the authenticity of what we are working towards.

This all began tonight by me feeling like a silly goose for Googling my own name.

But as I draw this blog to a close, I realize after finding what I did ... then thinking about this poor family and how our culture has somewhat "fed" their demise and done so with some nice, tidy sprinklings of Jesus here and there ...
and how it has made me reflect upon my own life and priorities and how we must all guard and nurture our individual relationships with authenticity and truth ...

It leads me to the conclusion that I'd much rather be a goose ...

than a Gosselin.

Echos From the Past

2009-05-04T09:06:00.006-04:00

My weekend was turned upside down with a call from a friend.
"Hey, I just got back from an estate sale near Pinehurst and I think you need to hear about it."
She went on to tell me that the family of a deceased couple was selling to the walls and amongst the tagged items were several musical instruments. By 4:30 on Friday, Mabes, Donna, Mama, and I were piled in Mabes new Honda and heading south. I guess you could say we were all in one Accord. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

The adventure saw me headed home with a handmade mandolin - in immaculate condition. However, that is only part of the story. What struck me so undeniably, was the feeling that came over me as I walked around the home of the late couple. Now, I've been to many, many estate sales over the years ... but none that got to me quite like this one. Room by room their story began to come into focus. The walls were dotted with framed photographs and paintings of them separate and together - all engaging in different activities at home and abroad. She was a first generation Italian-American and he was a first generation South American-American. (How exactly do you say that correctly?) They looked like movie starts in their younger years. I purchased an 11x14 black and white of them decked out in their riding clothes. I saw their riding boots in the master bedroom and their saddles were in the garage. They had matching fencing attire, a slew of photography equipment and cameras, several unique acoustic instruments, bookshelves lined with language-tutorials and travel journals. The lady of the house had several fur stoles and wraps in the closet, along with a classic steamer-trunk she used for traveling.

Their lives seemed so real to me as I made my way from room to room. It appears as though they really lived life to its fullest. It would seem from the inventory that they not only enjoyed a very diverse array of activities ... but more importantly ... they enjoyed them together. What encouraging evidence to leave behind for those who would observe their relationship posthumously.

I will never know just how in love they were. I will never eat a meal with them or sit as they show the freshly developed photographs from their latest vacation. I will never watch as they comb their horses down after a late-afternoon ride, or laugh as they don their fencing suits and go at it with swords. No, I'll never get the opportunity to know them in the purest sense of the word
but ...
I did get to walk amongst all the memory-markers and imagine ...
and that was enough.

I hope that Mrs.Louise Menoiz would be happy to know that I respectfully took a little bit of her life back home with me to pass on to the next generation. The handmade mandolin, given to her for her 14th birthday in 1926, will provide our home with many moments of pleasure, music, and family. Those immortal qualities of life transcend the here and now and somehow provide me with a very tangible connection with the woman I never knew. There is something very authentic about this. I can't quite put my finger on it ... but it moves me. It is like getting a tiny glimpse of the grander script and how human lives touch and overlap in ways we don't even realize.

There seems to be something very spiritual about that ...
and the gift goes on ...

Brad on Diagnosis

2009-05-02T16:20:00.003-04:00

It's Saturday ... and it's warm. Brad's soccer team had a double header today to make up for a rain out earlier in the season. He came off the field all red-faced and winded. He was so thankful when the coach said the game was over.
"THANK THE LORD!", bellowed from his mouth as he said goodbye to his buddies and headed for the car.
As we pulled out onto the highway, I said, "Boy, you must be tired. I've never seen you pass up Oreos before. Are you okay?"
He sat there a second and then said, "Well my stomach is hurting. Either I've got a cramp or I woke up on the wrong side of my bellybutton."

Summertime ... and the livin' is easy ...

Dental Flaws

2009-05-01T08:36:00.003-04:00

Bradley has been going though the snagglepuss phase of life with some teeth in ... others out ... some on their way ... some not even budging. It's always a good look. His two top permanent teeth are fully grown in now and looking pretty dapper. However, both of the teeth on each side of the front ones are still missing.

Okay, Brad tends to brush his teeth like his hands are numb. He puts no elbow grease into the process whatsoever and I doubt that the plaque considers him much of a threat whatsoever. This is especially true in the mornings before school and at the height of Brad groaning about how sleepy he is and how he wants to go back to bed. I have always felt that the numb arm- brushing is his dramatic way of making his point with hopes that I will look at him and say, "Oh dear boy, you are obviously so tired that I shan't dare send you off to school. Please forgive me for waking you and by all means, go back to bed. School can wait." Consequently, those words have never fallen from my lips and aren't likely to any time soon.

The other day, we were in the middle of the morning ritual and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I looked at Brad and said, "Hand me that toothbrush. I cannot stand this sad display of oral hygiene any longer!" Shocked and perked up at the threatening sound of my voice, Brad reluctantly handed over his Spongebob Reach and I put one hand on his chin and took the brush with the other saying, "OPEN up!" With a gleam of complete terror in his eyes, Brad unhinged his jaw and let me in. I set to scrubbing those two Chicklets in the front and apparently in my zeal, I brushed on his gums where the new teeth haven't broken the surface yet.

Brad recoiled with a wince and those famous eyebrows furrowed. That, coupled with the frothy bubbles pouring from his mouth made him look a little like an angry Rottweiler. He spit and began rubbing his gums beside the front teeth. Then he looked up at me and said, "Gee mom, do you MIND ... these baby's ain't born yet!!!!"

Can you be reported for dental abuse? I was only trying to help ... ::nervous laughter::

mile marker I-40

2009-04-27T09:28:00.002-04:00

Wow ... well then ... ahemmmmm ... geeze ...

I just turned 40.

It's not that it's all that bad. It's just really ... strange. After being the baby o' my family ... I'm always the young one - the spring chicken of our brood. That was all working really well for me until Father Time tapped me on the shoulder this month and I realized that two crows must have landed on my face when I wasn't looking. I see their little footprints around both of my eyes.

They're truly hard to digest ... those two numbers ... 4 and 0. On their own they are quite benign. Put them together and you have good reason to buy a whole bottle of Merlot all for yourself. It is rather tempting to fall into a sullen state of denial ... however, as these last few days have passed ... I have felt a more comforting sensation fall over me. In looking back, I realize that these last two years have truly been some of the most spiritually challenging of my life. I have seen God teach me new things ... new freedoms ... new dependence on who He is. Maybe they have just been a warm up of things to come. I mean, instead of saying goodbye to my 30's ... maybe the last two years have just been the runway to take off into the best decade of my life. I'm thinking that perhaps I've been dreading something that isn't even there. What if those two dang numbers - 4 and 0 - turn out, in the end, to be the best numbers of all? Will I be better than ever?

Alex, I'm going to go with yes, for $200.

A Day of Grace

2009-04-13T10:13:00.003-04:00

The morning after ... the refined sugar hangover ... the visions of Peeps dancing in my head ...
It's Easter Monday and I'm drowning in wrappers and my fingers are permanently dyed purple. Good times ... good times.

Yesterday was a perfectly wonderful day. It began, as I said in yesterday's post, with lots of sunshine and warmth. We walked into a floral sanctuary and worshipped the risen King - punctuating the rebirth of spring with a Divine exclamation point.
Then we all gathered at Mama and Daddy's for lunch and festivities. The meal was the perfect Easter Day buffet of ham, chicken pie, potato salad, deviled eggs, corn, green beans, fruit salad, sweet potatoes, mac&cheese, yeast rolls, and sweet tea. Dessert was homemade banana pudding, pineapple cake, and more candy than the kids could stuff in. Lunch was followed by the laughter and fun of all the grandchildren dyeing 76 boiled eggs around Mama's kitchen table. From 3 to 24 - all the kids joined in and it was glorious to watch. After the little round masterpieces were dripping with color, the gaggle flocked out into the yard for hours of "capture the flag" and bubble-blowing. Daddy's landscaping is made up of over 200 southern azalea plants and the contrast of all that color against the freshly mowed green was a symphony of color for the eyes. After all the kids were dizzy from fun and stained with grass and dirt ... they all piled back into Mama's kitchen as she started hauling all the leftovers out onto the counter for a second pass.
It was at that point that I had to make my exit with my youngest, as bedtime was rapidly approaching. After I returned home and put her to bed, I called back over to Mama's to ask her a question. When she answered, I could barely hear her for all of the laughter and noise in the background. As we made our exchange and hung up with an, "I love you and see you tomorrow", I hit the end button on my phone and smiled.

Yesterday was a living promise of the hope we have in Christ. Like I said last week, our family has sustained some real blows these last two years ... and we are still healing. But in the celebration of our Lord - I see our own celebration. We are eternally restored by the Resurrection, we are seasonally restored by spring, and we are relationally restored by love. All of that truth collided at my parent's house yesterday ... and it was a crescendo of grace.

It was the very definition of grace.

Was it a Morning Like This

2009-04-12T08:57:00.002-04:00

The sun is shining. In the 5 day forecast, this was the only day of the 5 where there was a whole sun ... not the sun with the clouds partly covering it ... not the clouds with the rain drops or lightening coming out them ... just the whole sun. It made me smile when I saw it. In the midst of what has been a very erratic weather week - today is sunny. The forecast was correct.
It's like the earth knows and says, "Today will be beautiful. It must be. Only our best for the King."
I love passages where the Bible talks as if the very elements of the earth respond to who He is. The wind ... the waves ... the rocks crying out ... I love that imagery. So today, the earth responds to the truth that Christ the Lord has Risen. It has groaned since Friday ... but today it rejoices with us ... and the bright sky reminds me that The Light has come into the world and this morning,

He

Lives!

Happy Easter and enjoy the day~

Lettuces, French Beans, and Par-sah-ley

2009-04-10T23:55:00.002-04:00

I hung out over at Mabes house tonight. For those that don't know her, Mabes is my sister, Sharon. I've called her Mabes since I was a junior in high school. She also calls me, Mabes. Technically, she is Mabes Sr. and I am Mabes Jr. I would take time to explain how those names came about ... but I'll spare you the details. You probably wouldn't think it was as funny as we did, anyway. :)

While we were there tonight, in honor of the traditional Easter Bun-Bun, we decided to wade through Mabes' countless hours of home video to find Nick reciting the whole book of Peter Rabbit after he had just turned three. I thought I was prepared for his little Southern drawl and big teardrop eyes ... but I wasn't. It melted my heart to hear him reading about Mr. McGregor's garden and Peter's little "blass" buttons on his jacket. It took me back in time and I was blown away at how much emotion it brought to the surface.

Time flies so quickly. We should really stop to enjoy every moment of beauty we are given. What a wonderful treasure to watch my precious nephew flip through the memorized pages as if he were actually reading the book ... and to know that God has protected him and all of the children in our family ... and that they all love God. What a gift to contemplate this Easter. What a precious reality.

A Season of Renewal

2009-04-10T08:31:00.003-04:00

For most of my life, people referred to our family as the "perfect" family.
"Oh Marlo, your family is perfect."
"Gosh, you sure seem to have the perfect family."
"I wish I could be the 4th Applewhite daughter ... you're family is so awesome."
And the list could go on for miles. To be honest, it did seem true. We were all imperfect people ... but we truly did do the family thing really well. No matter how large it grew over the years, we all related more as one large immediate family, rather than extended with aunts, uncles, and cousins. We were all just one big happy family ... very few speed bumps.

Cue the chaos, in three, two, one ...

These last two years have been the most difficult for my greater family in more ways than I can express. All the sudden, it seemed as if everything got shoved into a blender and someone put it on the highest setting - pulverize. Church conflict, denominational conflict, relational conflict, misunderstandings, a divorce for my sister, emotional fallout from the divorce, questions, hurt feelings, issues outside the family ... you name it and we have pretty much had a taste in some way or another over the last 48 months. I felt like a Lifetime movie in the making. It seemed as if everything we had treasured for so many years had come to an end. It was difficult water to navigate.
Now, don't get me wrong, in all that chaos - we stuck together - we tried to muscle through ... but it was rough. There was emotional free-bleeding going on all over the place. At Christmas, I began asking God that 2009 be the year of renewal for my family. We have too much love and too much faith to let anything ruin the gifts we've been given in each other.

Well, it's spring now ... Easter morning - the most renewing day of the year ... is less than 48 hours away, and I feel it coming. I have continued to pray for the renewal ... the refreshment ... the restoration, to arrive - and I feel that it has made its entrance. All things are becoming new. The Lord has been blessing us, little by little, with letting go ... with coming together ... with healing.

What is most surprising, is that I do not regret the chaos. It has been a teacher. We are still learning the lessons and taking the exams ... but I think it will all be worth it when the grades are posted. I think we will end up even closer, even stronger, more unified, and more in awe of the One who can truly make all things new. We who have loved much have been forgiven much - and
we
are
family.

Advertisements for Jesus ... does He really want the help?

2009-04-07T00:04:00.003-04:00

Okay, I must break the silence and I am certain that I might offend someone by doing so ... but nonetheless ... this is my blogsite and I reserve the right to censor all comments. Bahahhhahahahha
But seriously folks ...

I am growing ever impatient with the "Christian marquees" that dot the front yards of many churches along life's highway. I don't know ... they just seem tasteless most of the time ... and what exactly is the purpose they bear? Here are a few recent examples:

"What part of 'Thou Shalt Not' do you not understand?" (Oh yeah, THAT is going to be really effective, there.)

"The Cross - the ultimate power tool" (Oh my goodness, I can't even comment on that one.)

"ATM inside - atonement, truth, and ... (For the life of me, I can't remember how it ended ... but an ATM?? Come on people.)

On our local news tonight, apparently one church has been receiving a lot of response over their marquee and most of it is not very good. It says, "Pray that all Jews will accept Jesus as the Messiah".
Of course, I pray that all of the world will accept Jesus as Messiah ... but hmmmmm ... that did seem a bit stark to me. And again, how effective is that really going to be? Am I being harsh here? I am just really struggling with this. I truly don't know if this is the kind of help Jesus wants from us. I can't imagine that it is.

Katie emailed me a photo this past Saturday. We've sort of been playing a little game between Mabes, her, and me. When we see something like that, we take a phone pic and email it to the others. Katie's picture was not of a marquee, but rather a beanbag chair wrapped in this huge clear plastic sack. Through the plastic you could see the words printed on the chair. It said, "Our God is an AWESOME God." Mabes texted back and said, "Well I know that you shouldn't ever put God in a box; but apparently a big bag is fine."

Lately I struggle so much with some of the methods used by the Church. Is this what being salt and light is supposed to look like? I do not think it is. What are your thoughts?

Big Brothers ::geesh::

2009-04-05T18:10:00.002-04:00

One beautiful day not long ago, Steve, the kids, and I were out on the deck. I was grilling steaks ... Mary was feeding snacks to the dog ... Steve was sweeping the old leaves out of the wooden slats ... and then there was Brad.
He was hanging out on the steps that lead down to the side of the driveway. Ben drove up in his 4-Runner and Brad got very excited. He realized that Ben's car was moving, so he jumped down off the stairs to wait for him to come to a stop. It scared Ben when he saw Brad move so quickly, so he stopped abruptly and yelled out the window, "Brad, I'm still moving!"
Brad seemed very insulted that Ben would think he didn't realize that and he yelled out in a very perturbed tone, "Well thank you, Captain Obvious!!"

Worth the Risk?

2009-04-05T06:33:00.003-04:00

I was up until 1am on Craigslist. There is something very specific I am looking for and I was determined to scour the whole nation looking for it. I think I found it. It's in Tacoma, WA. Of all places ... Tacoma, WA. Well, I can't exactly jump in the old Suburban and go check it out, now can I? I emailed the seller and asked all kinds of questions and he was very prompt in writing back to give me all the details he could. He was very descriptive and the item seems like everything I've wanted. Should I buy it on faith or not? Should I trust that this thing I have been searching for is as good as the lister portrays it to be and just close my eyes and trust that it will satisfy when it arrives? Is it possible that something so far away could be right for me? Will I open the box and breathe a sigh of great relief or great disappointment? Is it worth the risk?
I guess I have some decisions to make.

Recently, I was speaking at a women's event and I had a rather lengthy conversation with a young woman who was wrestling with the meaning of life. She began to explain her journey of searching for the truth. She really wasn't sure what she believed. She talked with me and questioned me and it seemed as though we were miles and miles apart in our souls. It was as if she was looking for something very specific. She was scouring the whole world and all its definitions of truth, looking for it. After hearing my story, she seemed to think she might have found it in the truth offered by Christ. She had lots of really valid questions. I was excited to answer her with the greatest of detail ... making sure that I was honest about the Christian faith and the cost of following Jesus. Although His way is not always easy, it is simply the best possible way to live. It seemed like everything she wanted. Should she step out in faith or not? Should she trust that this thing she has been searching for is as good as the believer portrays it to be and just close her eyes and trust that it will satisfy once she embraces it? Is it possible that something so seemingly far away could be right for her? Will she open her life to grace and breathe a sigh of great relief or great disappointment? Is it worth the risk?
I guess she has some decisions to make.

Decisions.

The Brad also rises ...

2009-04-03T14:59:00.002-04:00

I will try and start these up again, as well. Brad is now 7 and funnier than ever. I will begin with something he said to a group of Ben's friends.
Ben, Stephen, and Jamey were down in the basement throwing some iron around ::wink:: and Brad came down to watch them. Jamey said, "Hey Brad, show us your muscles." Brad stood there a minute and then reluctantly began taking his t-shirt off. He said, "Well ... alright ... but I haven't worked out since Kindergarten, so don't expect much."

IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S ... ME AGAIN!!

2009-04-03T14:31:00.002-04:00

Oh my gosh, can you believe it?? Yes, Katie, there is a Santa Claus, and he's brought me back to start blogging agian. I am so sorry that so much time has passed ... I'm practically a newbie again. There is no way of really explaining all that has kept me from gettin' my blog on ... but suffice it to say ... I have years worth of material now and it should be enough to have me blogging well into the Medicare years. Katie even says I can hook up my Twitter to this and leave little "tweats" too. I tell you ... everyone needs a Katie in their lives.
::NOTE TO SELF:: - thank donna for having katie. :)

Make sure all tray tables are stowed away and all seat backs are straight. Flight crew, prepare for take off.

Marlo

2008-02-06T15:57:00.001-05:00

My Christmas Present to Katie, is to Post a New Blog in December

2007-12-18T09:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'll go ahead and skip all the apologies - especially since my last two or three blogs dripped with them. What can I say, I have just simply been too covered up in life to keep up with my blog since autumn began. I hate it, because I've met so many of you wonderful people through it ... and I love when I can sit and share with you. There's just simply been too much on my plate and if it makes you feel any better ... I haven't been exercising either. Yipes. I'll let you fill in your own visual there. Not good, people. Not good. :)

So, what has been keeping me so busy? Well, my children and their schedules. My home and all the dust bunnies therein. My ministry work - as my second adult book approaches the press as we speak. My speaking started back full force in September, and that, too, has taken time and attention. We have also been in the official process of finding a new church. I've eluded in past blogs about all that the Lord has been doing in my life this year. A lot of it has to do with this ... and I promise that as soon as I can ... I am going to do a big mama blog about the whole journey. In fact, I am sure it will be a blog series. Katie will be thrilled. :) As it stands right now, the long and the short of it is this:
I have grown up in the Southern Baptist church - and by two amazingly consistent and Godly parents. They have truly lived their faith before me every day of my existence. However, I have increasingly been feeling the leading of the Lord to step out of that and spend a season seeking Him about how He sees His world - His children - His Church. It has led me to places I didn't know were there. It has been a road of seeking, weeping, searching, praying, reading, laughing, writing, begging for answers, finding those answers, and mostly it has been a season of true growth and revival for my soul. Of all places, God led me to the Anglican church - both our local, conservative Episcopal fellowship - but also to a new, thriving branch of the Anglican Church called the Anglican Mission in the Americas. (www.theamia.org)
Of course, there are some doctrinal differences that are there - in terms of what I've grown up being taught. My parents have been very faithful to point every single one of them out on multiple occasions. (iffy smile) (wink)
That, too, has been a journey. But I will tell you all that as this Christmas season has come upon us ... this year ... for the first time in a long time ... I can say that I welcome the season of my Savior's birth with new found freedom - revived passion - extreme eagerness - and a peace that passes all understanding. I love knowing that no matter our age, denomination, or past -- God will provide all the answers we need if we will truly seek His face and wait in the stillness of our hearts for His voice. More to come in the series. :)

Let me say to all of you who have visited my blog and reached out your cyber-hand of friendship to me in this first year of my blogging experience, I pray that this Christmas will be for each one of you - a season of all joy and love through our Lord, Jesus Christ. I will look forward to getting "my blog on" with more consistency as soon as the business subsides a bit!

Ho, ho, ho and Meeerrryyy Christmas,

Great Weekend!

2007-10-07T20:32:00.000-04:00

I got home today from speaking in Appomattox, VA over the weekend. It was such an anointed and blessed time ... the first women's event Mt.Comfort Methodist Church has ever done. They were so excited and full of enthusiasm. You know, it never ceases to amaze me how the Lord will bring different things out in my speaking. It's like the recipe always stays the same, but the measurements differ each time I share. Last night, I spent some time talking about hypothetical thinking and how Satan uses it to heap guilt on our hearts. Any time you start down the road of "what if I would have done this ... or that ... maybe things would have turned out differently." When those thoughts reach maturity in us the constant conclusion is, "This is all my fault!"
I've never talked about that before, and when it was over last night, a woman came forward to have counseling ... and she shared how for the last three weeks she had been eaten up with hypothetical thoughts and she didn't know how to handle them. Her "friend", a man she had been seeing for the past 6 weeks, took his life after leaving her home for the evening. What's worse, he also took the life of his ex-girlfriend. This poor woman was in such turmoil ... it was mind-boggling. However, the Lord knew she'd be there and that she needed to hear about the dangers of feeding hypothetical thinking. Is that the coolest thing, or what??? God always knows what cream needs to rise to the top of my testimony. I pray that I always feel His leading and sense His prompting with such clarity and purpose.
I love this call on my life. Praise His HOLY name!

I also got to see a house that was built in 1775. It was a three-story white colonial and it looked just like it was taken out of the movie, The Patriot. It might have been in there. It looked so familiar. BEAUTIFUL!!

More later. Off to bed to recoup from the trip. My right eye is twitching like crazy. I hate that! Means I need sleep. Lots o' it.

Big hugs,

Have you given up on me??

2007-10-05T23:58:00.000-04:00

Oh people ... I am so sorry!!! I have been so bombarded with life here lately ... and I have been totally ignoring my blog. I've missed you guys, and I will try to do much better this coming week. I promise (ahem ... Katie). :)

I am leaving in the morning for Appomattox, VA to speak at a ladies autumn dinner tomorrow night. I'm excited, as this is the home church of my dear friend, Lisa. Lisa goes with me quite a bit when I speak, and she is my "go-to-gal" for everything. What a servant's heart she has! It's been a while since she has gone anywhere with me, so this will be an extra special trip.

I am still travelling on this road trip of spiritual growth, and I promise that one day soon I will start sharing about it. I told Steve this week that since January of this year I have lost 40 pounds and I've shed about the same amount of denominational baggage as I have stepped away from the Baptist church for the first time in my adult life and really searched nothing but pure Scripture for the answers to all my difficult questions. It's not that I am anti-Baptist by any means ... surely not ... but what I mean is that I truly feel as though God has given me a fresh perspective on my life and He has used all of it to shape who I am in Him. I believe that He's brought me here to prepare me for my broadening ministry work. In every turn, He has been there with amazing conformation. I told Steve that we might need to have our wedding vows renewed because he's practically married to a different woman inside and out now! He said, "Me likes who you were and me likes who you is!! No need to renew vows." What a sweetie!

I read a book excerpt this week that said this,
" Have you dared to see the world as God sees the world, and doing so, you have ended up actually seeing God?" I LOVED that. It is what I feel that I have personally tasted this summer. I have specifically asked the Lord to show me how He sees things, and in doing that, I really know that I have seen HIM ... in some ways, for the first time. It's been glorious. I hunger for the Word like never before and I read it with eager eyes. What a gift to me! More to come. Let me just get a little more craziness behind me and I'll start from the beginning!

My first children's book went to press this week! You can order it at www.tatepublishing.com
It's called, "Benny-With-a-Cowlick Gets Some Very Sad News". It will release nationally on January 2, '08. Eeeeks, I'm excited.

Hope all is well with you! Pray for my trip to VA tomorrow!
Big hugs to all ~

Wish I had Thought of That ...

2007-09-26T08:35:00.000-04:00

I got an email yesterday that was so cool. It was a poem, of sorts, about the word, GUIDANCE. It said that if you take it apart, it is the letters, G, U, I ... dance. The writer talked about the word dance and how if both people tried to lead, the result was disastrous. It was only when one person led and the other followed that the movements were fluid, purposed, and artistic. Instead of chaos with two leaders, you have a silken, graceful balance with one leader. Then the writer took note of the first three letters of the word. G - U - I. He/she said that those letters could stand for God - You and I ... dance.
When we let God take the lead in the guidance of our lives ... what results is that fluid, silken, graceful balance. When we fight God to lead the dance ... well ... I'm sure we all know too well what the result of that is from personal experience. I know that I sure do. So, even though I didn't have the clever mind that thought of how to view this word in a spiritual light ... I did have the opportunity to explain it to you in my own words. That was nice. :)
I pray that as you feel The Master reach for your hand today, that you will take His lead and dance ... with grace.
Have an awesome day my sweet friends and family!

Brad on sex appeal, again

2007-09-23T20:34:00.000-04:00

This morning we were getting ready for church and I was putting on Brad's favorite Hawaiian shirt at mach 10, as we were running late. Big shocker there. When I went to button it, his eyes got big and he grabbed my hands. He said, "Mom, don't button the top button or you will cover up my chest hairs!"

I don't think I've ever blogged something so short, but what can I add to that? Exactly.

Goodnight all.

Brad on tomatoes

2007-09-21T00:01:00.000-04:00

On the way home from school today, Brad was discussing his favorite and least favorite foods with the kindergartner, Emma, that we take home every day. She was telling Brad how much she loves grits and how she wanted to eat them for a snack when she got home. This alone amazed me, given that Emma's family is a fresh transplant from the Northern part of our fair country. I would expected that Emma would have listed grits amongst the, "eeeeewwwwuuuuhhhh, gross" things in her life. Nonetheless, Emma was gearing up for some good ole Southern cuisine ~ while Brad was taking his food dislikes to the confessional booth.
He sort of shrugged his shoulders to Emma and said, "Well, it's like this ... I have tried my best to like those red potatoes (Brad's constant wording for tomatoes), but every time I put them in my mouth, my heart says "yes" ... but my brain says, "NO!"
I guess Brad will need to stick with potatoes ... the white kind. Or, there's always grits ...

Oh Heavens Where Have I Been?

2007-09-19T00:25:00.000-04:00

Hello to all my sweet blog friends!

I know that I have been out of pocket for many, many days. I've missed you all ... but I have a very good reason to explain my absence.
The Lord brought a special person into my life in January. Her name is Ginger Gilbert, and she is the widow of Major Troy Gilbert, who died in an F-16 crash outside of Baghdad last Thanksgiving. She has 5 precious children and a life that has been completely turned upside down. Not only did Troy die in the crash, but insurgents got to his body before coalition forces could arrive on the scene ... and they took his body.
Ginger has been going through a terrible time lately, and so I picked up ... spur of the moment ... and flew to Phoenix to be with her. While there, a video surfaced from the terrorist front that displays Troy's desecrated body and a message from Osama. Needless to say, it was horrific to find out. ABC news came to the door on Friday and after being turned away by Ginger's mother, the reporter turned back before walking off the porch and said, "Oh, by the way, I LOVE your necklace."
Ummmmm, does anyone see how disturbing that is? How flippant to talk about jewelry while such a tender, intimate, hurtful thing for Ginger was on the line. Oh mercy.
So, Ginger decided that she had stayed silent long enough. She asked me to stay and help her write a public statement, so we fluffed up the pillows on her bed Saturday night and worked on her speech until the wee hours of the morning.
She held the press conference today. I think that it will be circulating throughout the media for the next several days. If you want to read about it, just Google "Ginger Gilbert public statement". She is going to be contacting Hannity&Colmes tomorrow. Keep your eyes and ears open and you might see it on the news. Please pray for Ginger, as she is so weary, wounded, and weak. Pray that the Lord will prepare her for the magnitude of the next few weeks.
She is an amazing woman ... but she's is mighty low right now. I'm so thankful that God has chosen me to walk with her during this season of her life. She's like family to us now.
So, that is why you guys haven't heard from me. Let me get my feet back underneath me, and I'll get back to my blogging.

OH, and AMY IN JAPAN ... the box came while I was gone. Ben LOVES everything you sent him!!! I'll email you tomorrow with big cyberhugs!!
For those of you wondering what that is about ... one of my blogging buddies and I did a gift swap! Isn't that the coolest? She's in Japan with the Marines and I'm here in her native South ... so I sent her Southern goodies and she sent Ben a boat load of Japanese goodies. VERY cool.
I love blogging!!

Glad to be back, dear friends ~

Brad on Emergencies

2007-09-04T21:59:00.000-04:00

I was just in my bathroom getting ready for bed. Brad had been bedded down for about 45 minutes and as far as I knew, he was already a good 15 into the land of dancing sugarplums.

Wrong again.

Suddenly Brad appeared in the doorway and he said, "Mom, this is an emergency. I have an announcement to make!"

I said, "What in the world is wrong, and why aren't you asleep yet???"

He replied, "Mom, I have a chest hair. A real, grown up chest hair. Look!"

He pulled the neck of his jammy shirt down to reveal a red splotch on his chest ... but no hair was in sight. I said, "Son, you've rubbed yourself raw!"

He looked in the mirror and said, "Good grief, I have. Hey, where'd my chest hair go?"

I said, "You rubbed it away! Now GO to bed and don't come back out unless it's a REAL emergency!"

He reluctantly turned to go but said as he went, "Well there was a chest hair there. I felt it." (sigh)

Poor little, precious man.

Wedding Bells and Puffs for the Aunt

2007-09-03T22:05:00.001-04:00

I have been gone all weekend and just returned home at around 2am. Then I was awakened by a phone call this morning saying that our house was going to show after lunch. We officially went into freak mode and cleaned the house from stem to stern before escaping 3 minutes before showtime. Later we received another call to say that the couple didn't like my wallpaper and wasn't interested. Some way to spend Labor Day, huh? Doing LABOR all morning ... just to have my wallpaper insulted. Geeesh. I like my wallpaper.

The weekend was marvelous. My oldest niece, Katie, got married to a most excellent young man, Billy. (Or Billy-Billy as he was deemed in a poem on rehearsal night.) (smile) Brad has always called him, "The Billy". Not sure why, but it stuck.

The event, itself, was extraordinary. Such a beautiful ceremony ... and the reception was over the top. It was held at an outdoor pavilion/lodge on the banks of the Cape Fear River. Yeah, THE Cape Fear River. You've heard of it?? SCARIEST movie I've ever seen. Thankfully the only thing that got the old "hack and slash" at the reception was the whole pig they roasted. It wasn't looking so good by the end of the night. Although all the guests looked quite content ... and oily. :)
Gotsta love NC barbecue! Greasy, yet oh so satisfying.

I can't begin to explain the roller coaster of emotions I felt as it all passed by. Katie is the first person I have ever seen walk down the isle that I held when they were literally just minutes old. I remember holding her when she was all pink and squishy and thinking, I wonder what she'll be like? I wonder what she'll look like? I wonder who she'll marry and how she'll look in her dress? I hope we'll be close and that she'll love me with all her heart! All this went through my sixteen year-old mind as I held my first niece and marveled at her perfect little self. Now ... this past weekend ... all that came into focus. At times, I thought I would explode with tears. I wanted to sob out loud when she played the video of her growing up years. I wanted to squall when I hugged her one last time before she made her way to the narthex to walk down the isle. I wanted to boo-hoo uncontrollably when I watched as she and Billy ran through the lineup of sparklers and make their way to the getaway car. Ooooohhhh ... it was one of those life-moments that goes in Matrix slow-motion. So surreal. So surreal.

The blessing in it all, for me, was this.

God allowed me the joy and privilege of living all these years in Katie's life. All those questions I thought the day she was born, now have an answer. Here they are:

I know what she's like. She's authentic, funny, blunt, no-nonsense, fully committed to Christ, and a little bit sassy.
I know what she grew up to look like. She was "made for the lamps", as Dickens once wrote. She's never made a bad picture and her smile lights up every camera she's ever seen. She looks just like I thought she would ... and she's beautiful.
I know who she married and what she looked like in her dress. She married William Michael Steele, and she looked like an angel in her dress.
And as for hoping we'd be close and wanting her to love me with all her heart? Well, let's just say that we talk a million times a week, and she's one of my very best friends.

So, although my tear ducts lynched me several times throughout the weekend, they weren't tears of sadness, they were tears of love, joy, and thankfulness.

Katie is all grown up now. And I've lived it all with her. What a gift to this old "Auntie Em".

As a side note to the bride and groom:

AND what a gift to know that the two of you waited on the Lord ... saved yourselves as the ultimate wedding present to each other ... and gave Him all the glory on your sacred day. I'm so proud of you both!

So ... Katie and Billy, here's to you! CONGRATULATIONS and I hope you are setting Denver on fire tonight! You've earned it. :)
It's gonna be a Song of Solomon week this week, baby! (big smile)
I love you both!

Thirsting for Truth

2007-08-30T08:40:00.000-04:00

It seems of late, that I have been really thirsty. Really, really thirsty. Like - salty, jumbo, movie popcorn thristy. Like - advanced, hour-long, triple-tier step aerobics class thristy. Like - first thing in the morning, even before you brush your teeth or stretch thristy. Yeah, you get the picture.

What have I been so thirsty for? Simple.

Truth. God's Word. Direction.

It makes me think of a time ...
About six years ago I hit a bit of a burn out season. Brad had been born in June. I began home schooling Ben. Steve was gone a lot with the airlines. My speaking ministry was growing. I was tired and my tank was running low. So, we packed up one weekend in October and went to my parents vacation home on a river in eastern North Carolina. It was just what I needed. I'm telling you the truth, not even the banjo players from "Deliverance" could find this place. It is waaaaay out there in the sticks. Just perfect for what I needed.
However, hunting season was cranking up and somehow, people found it. Now that I think about it, I'm sure the banjo players were even there.

On our first morning, I gathered my Bible and a blanket and went down to sit on the picnic table by the river for my quiet time. I just felt as if I'd burst if I didn't get into the Word. It was such a perfect setting to be fed. God did a tremendous thing for me that morning. He gave me an image I will never forget.

As I got wrapped up and comfy for my quiet time and opened the Scriptures to feast, I began hearing guns going off in the distance. It was eerie to hear so many rifles going off around me while I sat there on the picnic table. I thought to myself, "Bambi is out there somewhere this morning ... and he's scared to pieces!" (I'm such a girl)
I tried to get my mind back on the Bible when suddenly, I heard rustling in the brush just down from me. As I watched, a small deer emerged from the undergrowth and made its way down to the edge of the water. It bent its head down and began drinking. It drank and drank ... and drank -- all the while the rifles were going off at regular intervals all around us. It didn't seem to even phase the deer. It was so satisfied by the cool morning water that it drank as if it knew it was completely safe with no threat anywhere nearby.

As I sat there staring in disbelief, I felt the Lord begin to whisper in my heart:

"Marlo, are you so unlike this tiny creature? Are you not both here at this very moment for the same reasons? You are both thirsty and weary ... and the guns are sounding off in both your lives ... but look at how My creation trusts Me more than you. That deer might not make it through the day, yet she drinks in total peace. You, on the other hand, are not so calm. You've let the cares of this world, get you frantic. You are burned out and worn out and stressed to the point of losing the peace I offer you freely. Look at this small deer ... study her ... and as you sit now and drink of My Word ... learn from her and live above the gunshots ... above the things that threaten you day by day. Drink and drink ... and drink -- and let Me be your Watchman. Let Me keep you at peace."

Sometimes it is difficult to ignore the gunshots. However, I think of that deer often ... and how her thirst outshined her instinct to run and hide.

Right now at this point in my life, I am that thristy. I am thirsty enough for God's Word and His truth ... HIS truth ... that it outshines my instincts to retreat, or run, or hide from anything that would delay or hinder my growth. God has been revealing Himself to me in new and undenyable ways this summer. I want more. I feel as if I'm reading the Bible for the first time in some ways. I am thristy.

How precious is the flow ~
of Living Water.

Drink like the deer ... and drink in peace.

Legalism Agitates the Flesh

2007-08-28T16:49:00.001-04:00

With school starting for my kiddos, it's been difficult to get on here to write. I've missed you. Plus, now Katie will stop hounding me to post a fresh thread. Man, I can't believe how much she gets paid by Gulf-Stream to read blogs. Bahhahaha

I visited a church Sunday and the sermon was awesome. It was exactly in line with everything I feel God has been showing me and growing in me this summer. It's been an amazing growth summer for me. I'll post it all one day. It will be a doozy. Right Katie?

This sermon began by the pastor, Jason Sink of Grace Fellowship PCA, showing us this imaginary line. He said, "Now over here on this end you have legalism. On the other end you have license. Legalism is the tendency to adhere to strict rules/laws in order to impress God with your goodness and loyalty. It is also the way you look at others to judge whether or not they are "doing Jesus" as well as you are. It is how you judge yourself. License is the polar opposite. You judge no one, however, you also tend to use your gift of salvation as a license to indulge in any and everything you desire. You say, 'Well, if I'm saved I can do whatever I want and I'm covered.' Often people think that the Gospel of Jesus works as a sort of balance between these two extremes, but I don't think that is the intent of the Gospel by any means."

The body of the sermon from that point on was explaining this in more detail. It was so great on every level. The best part for me was when he said this,
"Legalism does nothing except stir up and agitate the flesh, because it is based on the flesh. The more you restrict something, the more attention it can take on in your life." Okay, insert here my thoughts. I could not agree with this more. I know from experience that this can be true. When you restrict something or it is forbidden by the teaching you grew up with, then not only do you not do that certain thing, but you can hyper focus on it and not only that, but you soon begin judging others by it. Now, I'm not talking about Biblical clarity ... as in, some things are spelled out in black and white as to being wrong and as believers, we clearly are to not participate (adultery, murder, etc.) I mean the "laws" we can accumulate in our Christian lives and how we focus on them as markers to see how we are measuring up and how others are measuring up. That is not good, people.
Back to Jason's sermon.
He said, "We begin to think that these restrictions in our lives keep us from faltering ... keep up living upright. You then can say that law-keeping keeps you living for Christ. But I say that this is not so. I say that the GOSPEL is what should keep you living upright. It is not by the restrictions that you should be kept in control, it is by the Gospel of Jesus being realized in everything you do. That is what keeps you straight ... not laws."
Man that is awesome preaching. That is why he said that the Gospel is not the mid-point, or balance between legalism and license. He said that it is, rather, the realization in our lives, our heart, and our minds that we have been bought with a price. That we are children of the law-giver. That we are now Holy because HE is Holy. He said, "Man, if you will just grasp the awesomeness of that and then just go live it ... that will be the one thing that makes sure you are not being too lenient or too strict. Just go live out that truth ... go live Jesus out in the world ... and be free."

Wee-doggies peeps, that is so on target with what I believe that it makes me have goosebumps on my scalp. I can't say how much I think Jason is right on the money with everything he said.
It is so, so, so, so easy to use "laws" to keep us "in line" and "living Godly". But how about just taking your walk with the Lord so serious ... being so in tune with what He's done for you ... loving Him so much ... that, that alone is what governs your behavior all the time ... 24/7? How about being so committed to Christ that you can dare to live in total freedom knowing that's all you need to not micro-manage yourself to death?

I don't know guys, what do you think about this? Let me know your heart on it, as I am still on this journey, too. It's just some real good juicy stuff to chew on.

Brad on the Clinker

2007-08-25T19:02:00.000-04:00

We were coming home from taking the babysitter back and Brad was in his car seat looking at the paper. In it was an ad for the Humane Society. It was a photo of a German Shepherd-like dog in a kennel. With a very confused and irritated sound in his voice, Brad boomed,
"How in the heck did this dog end up in prison???"

I just didn't have the energy to explain. I just said, "Gee son, I don't know what he did. It must have been bad, though." Inside I was rolling.

day of blessing

2007-08-24T20:46:00.000-04:00

Wow, today has been an incredible day of blessing for me! It was a crazy, hectic day ... but oodles of provision and mercy gushed my way and I am so thankful!!! If I weren't so bloomin' tired I would dance a jig! Well ... at least I'm dancin' in my heart! :)

It began with a conversation with my dear friend, Denise, while on the way to help with "Apple Day" at Brad's new school. I have been praying about the Lord providing me with a new round of babysitters for my ministry work. God has always given me the help I need with child care to make my speaking ministry work smoothly ... but the two young ladies that have been staying on the occasions that Steve and I are both gone at the same time are both entering into very busy seasons of their lives ... one about to start her senior year of high school (reentering public school after many years of homeschooling), and the other just left for Colorado Springs for Christian mission work. So, I've been trying to replace them, and that is not an easy task because they are both awesome. :)
While talking, Denise mentioned a young lady who is 19 and from a family of ... hold on to your hats ... 13 children. Needless to say, she has child care experience. Wowzahs. She has a precious heart for the Lord, and she has her EMT certification. I prayed hard as I dialed the phone ... and after a wonderful conversation, both she and two of her sisters have agreed to be my upcoming new help! Praise the LORD ALMIGHTY!!!!! They already agreed to help with my engagements in September and October ... and that is amazing. I can stop worrying!!! Yeah Jesus!!

I am going to bed tonight with a tremendous weight off my heart.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye Heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Amen.

Brad on Sentiment

2007-08-20T16:14:00.000-04:00

After arriving home from his first day of first grade this afternoon, Brad and I set out to make his "All About Me" poster. There was a section to put a picture of your pets. I printed two pictures: one of our current pet, a black lab named Selah. The other was of a dog we had to give away several years ago. Her name was Gracie, and she was sweet and cute ... but she had a neighborhood shoe collection that couldn't be curbed. We had to give her to a family who could more readily afford her fetishes.

Even though Brad was tiny when we had Gracie, he's never forgotten her ... and never quite forgiven us for giving her away. So, because he loved her so, I printed a picture of her to go on the poster. When I showed it to him, instead of wanting to put it on the poster, he got a very sad face and plopped down in the chair.
I said, "Brad, Gracie will always be your pet, even if she lives on a farm somewhere else. Won't it make you feel good to tell your friends at school about her?"
Brad said, "No, it won't ... and in fact, now I feel sad and mad. Thanks a lot Mom ... congratulations!"
It was so hard not to start laughing at the way he threw his hands out to stress the word ... but I maintained a straight face.
I replied, "Brad, I am so sorry that seeing her picture made you feel sad. I would never do something to purposefully make you feel sad. I am really sorry."
He looked up at me with a rather "put out" look on his face as he tartly retorted, "Well ... sorry dut'n sweeten my tea!"

Oh Heavens.

Brad on 70's music

2007-08-19T22:15:00.000-04:00

We were driving down the road this week, and I had a movie soundtrack playing in the CD player. Brad was quietly listening in the back seat until he broke his silence with the following:

"You know mom, she sounds an awful lot like Carole King."

I was like ... "Wwhhhhaaattt? How do you know Carole King?"

How many 6 year-olds know who Carole King is? Thing is ... she sounded just like Carole King. No kidding.

Ants, leaks, and other late summer delights

2007-08-16T21:59:00.001-04:00

Ahhhhh, late summer. The air is heavy with moisture ... only, no rain. The breeze blows slightly ... only, it's like hair dryer temperature. The leaves begin to fall ... only, it's not because autumn is on its way, it's because the trees are dying from sheer exhaustion. Yes, it's late summer ... and I am miserable.
So ... it would only make sense that in this joyous time of year that our favorite house guests came to visit.
The ants.
No, not the aunts ... the ANTS.
When I walked into the kitchen this week they were having a frat party in the middle of my floor. Hundreds of the little boogers were circling my rug, climbing my cabinetry, and making themselves at home on my island. I think one of them was making an omelet when I came in. They were doing the limbo, wearing togas, drinking olive oil, and having an all around smashing time.
I FREAKED out. I hate ... no, loathe ants. I hate any bug of any kind doing any sort of thing in my house.
So, I called Terminex.

Then, we found that the pipes under the sink had started to leak and I had to pull every single thing that has been crammed under there for the last 6 years out to clean it up.
So, I called Delta Plumbing.

Then, Mary came to the den door where I have a little baby gate up to keep her corralled ... and she had done such a sweet, thoughtful thing. Not only had she become aware of the fact that she had laid an Easter Egg in her diaper ... she had happily removed it and presented it to me in her hands.
So, I called Steve.

AAAAARRRRRRUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Will autumn puh-leeze hurry up and get here? I might still have all these same things to deal with ... but at least my upper lip won't be sweating and I'll be, in general, a more pleasant person to deal with. I keep much mo bettah in the cold!

Who's with me??

Jehovah Shalom

2007-08-14T22:39:00.000-04:00

Sunday at church, the minister was continuing with his summer series on the names of God. We studied "The God of Peace" and it was so, so good. As Pastor Mark Key of the Central United Methodist Church here in Asheboro began sharing what Jehovah Shalom was all about, suddenly so many things started coming together in my heart. He started describing something I had been trying to put into words for a while, but just hadn't realized I was talking about peace. It was like a flood washing over me!

I've been "counseling" so to speak with a young woman who came into my life as a military widow back in January. Now, she is more like a sister. When she came for a visit earlier in the year, we sat and talked for hours about what she had been through with the death of her husband in Iraq. I told her so many things, but chief among them was this point that kept rising to the top.
I said, "It is so tempting to look right down at your feet where all your dreams lay shattered on the ground. Out of sheer exhaustion and pain you let your head hang there and stare at all you've lost. However, at some point, out of a sheer act of the will ... you must raise your gaze to the horizon of your life and you have to go against all your feelings and say, 'I don't know how God will do it ... but I believe that somehow He will make a way for me - that He's still in control of my life - and that He will use this for something good in the future.' You must say that before you feel it. If you wait until you feel it to say it ... it will never get said. However, if you can just get yourself to start saying it and believe it to be true ... eventually your feelings will follow. And then, it will become so."

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting this doctrine of claiming that a black convertible Beemer will appear in the driveway in Jesus' name and it will be there when you get up in the morning. But, what I do mean is that sometimes you just have to say and to yes, claim, the things you know to be true. When you are crushed and broken, you need to hear yourself say what you know to be true, even when you don't feel it. Especially when you don't feel it. If you are standing on what you know to be true, eventually, your feelings will trust again and follow you there. After hearing Pastor Mark's sermon, I realize that this is the very essence of what having "peace in the midst of the storm" is all about. It's not some cozy, warm-fuzzy feeling when the world is caving in around you. It is, rather, a steely knowledge that upholds you when every foundation in your life is shaking. It is clinging to the hope that God is the great "I Am" ... when you are the shattered "Who am I?" living in the world of "Where am I?" It is making yourself look to that, trusting that at some point you will not only believe it, but feel it's warmth again, too.

So Pastor Mark helped me put definition around what I had been thinking and saying for so long. He said that peace is not a feeling in the truest sense of the word. He said that peace is a choice ... a sheer act of the will. He said that it is a deep abiding knowledge that no matter what happens in our lives, we believe that ultimately, God is in control and our eternity is secure. That is peace that passes all understanding.

So that is what I was saying to my girlfriend. You choose to raise your gaze. You choose to say you trust Him. You choose to go against your feelings and say what you know to be true. You choose to have peace.

Then the healing comes.

Thanks Pastor Mark for your inspiring sermon. Thank you for showing me that all I've been saying for a long time now without realizing it, is that peace is a choice we make when everything inside us is raging. And it is worth it.

Choose peace, and eventually, you will feel peaceful.

Finished my edits

2007-08-13T23:39:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen,

Tonight's blog is short and sweet. I finally finished my first edits on book numero 2, and I just emailed it back to Tate!! Yeah!!! (Thunderous applause)
I am officially brain dead and ready to finally get a good night's sleep. Good goo, it's not quite midnight. I haven't been to bed this early in a while. I need it.

So, tomorrow's blog will make up for tonight's lame entry. I have some stuff to share ... I'm just very much in need of catch up rest. Until then, goodnight!

Freedom

2007-08-11T11:00:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't written anything of real substance since Tuesday night, and I'm sorry I've been out of the blogging loop. After Currey had his heat stroke, it was followed by my sister having knee surgery ... so this week has flown by and I've been on the run a lot. Katie reminded me last night with her e-mail saying,
"post a new posttttttttt.

thank you. :)

love, k"

It's nice to be missed. Thank you, KK, and Happy 22nd Birthday! (smile)

Well, the journey continues on ...

I just observed something in Mary-Marlowe that was so profound. My children serve as constant reminders of how the Lord must see me so much of the time.
She was on the floor playing and she had one of my ponytail holders in the mix of toys on the carpet. She picked it up and worked for a few minutes trying to get it on her leg. Over her little slipper ... over her heel ... then her ankle. Finally, she got it up onto her calf. In a few minutes she realized that it didn't feel so good ... it pinched ... and she wanted it off. She sat back down and started trying to undo what she had worked so hard to achieve just a little while before. After struggling unsuccessfully she began to whine ... then cry ... then finally she erupted into a full blown wail as she jumped up and ran to me ... holding up her leg for me to rid her of this unwanted burden. Easily and effortlessly I reached down and took it off. The biggest giggle of thanksgiving gurgled from Mary's heart as she smiled and reached out her hand for the ponytail holder. Reluctantly I offered it back to her.
She immediately turned around, walked across the floor, plopped down, and started trying to put it back over her foot.
Now why in the world did she do that? Why would she have so quickly forgotten the discomfort of her previous perdiciment and launched right back into the very burden from which I had just freed her?
~ Booyah ~
As I watched in amazement, I realized that I am not so unlike my little Mary-Mouse. How many times have I gotten myself into situations that haven't felt so good once I got to where I was going? How many times have I felt the "pinch" of a circumstance? As I have tried to do and undo things in my life ... I realize that my ability to fix my situations are fruitless ... my vision blurry ... my heart heavy. First, I whine ... then I cry ... then I erupt into a wail as I run to the Father to help me find freedom or an answer or a band-aid. Easily and effortlessly He has reached down time and time again to loose me from myself and then .... oh too often ... what have I done?
Well, you can figure the rest out for yourself. Let's just say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I am so thankful God showed me this today. It is so tempting to take freedom for granted. I don't want to waste any of this precious life repeating the things that have tethered me in the past. God has been showing me so much lately about how I have lived with pinchy ponytail holders around my spirit in different areas. I've let some of my convictions be man-made rather than Scripture breathed. I've run to Him ~ to His Word for answers. And I've found them. I will not sit back down and start pulling those old dogmas over my feet again. This time I will not lose the giggle of thanksgiving and repeat the bondage. This time, I will embrace the freedom of my Father and beg for more. I want to know Him ... and His heart in all things. I want to see the world the way He sees the world. I want to minister to His creation with nothing fueling my feet except the purity of His Heart beating in mine. I don't ever want to bound again.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

If I am not mistaken, the word "yoke" in the Greek means, "ponytail holder around the calf". Teehee

Be free in Him, and stand firm!
Blessings ~

Brad on Dora and Diego

2007-08-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

Sometimes Brad cracks me up with his moments of reason and realistic thinking. He has no problem biting off on the idea that four turtles can dress in primary colors and kick badguy butt ... but throw Dora the Explorer and her cousin Diego in the picture and all the sudden he becomes Mr.Reality.

We were just reading before bed and the book was called, Diego Saves the Tree Frogs. In it, Diego calls on his trusty camera, Click, to zero in on the tree frogs when they fall into the river. As we were reading along, Brad came to the page with Click. Above her lens shined her bright smiling face and with disgust, Brad said the following:

"Mom, isn't Click just a camera?"
I replied, "Yes, she's just a camera."
With that pulled down eyebrow and a big wince on his face, he said, "Well if she's just a camera, then why in the HECK does she have eyeballs and eyebrows staring back at me????? Hello?? Cameras do NOT have eyeballs!"

You Never Know What a Day Holds

2007-08-07T00:02:00.000-04:00

Well, today was one of those days that makes you so thankful for every little insignificant thing in your life. It was one of those days that reminds you just how fragile life is and just how much our every breath depends on the Lord.
It began like every other ordinary day. I went to Greensboro with my mother to return some shoes. We planned on a nice lunch to follow, and a chance to catch up on the weekend's events. Then the call came.
All the sudden everything came to a screeching halt. Our dear friends, The Nobles, have a son, Currey. He is a rising Freshman at Asheboro High School, as well as an amazing athlete, committed Christian, brainiac, and all around awesome guy. I'm telling you ... this kid is truly one in a million. You just can't say anything bad about him. He's the real deal.
At soccer practice this morning it was already sweltering hot by 8am. The coach was demanding too much from the guys without enough care being administered and the long and short of it is that Currey suffered a major heat stroke. He was rushed to Winston-Salem, NC ... Brenner Children's Hospital ... where thankfully he began to respond and improve. At the time of my call today, we still didn't know what the outcome would be. All I knew was that the stroke was severe and he wasn't responding. As Steve and I drove to the hospital, I was reminded of the day Rick died and how sudden bad news leaves you numb and afraid. It just feels so out of control. It's horrible.
Thankfully, Currey's outcome was joyful ... however, on the ride over ... we didn't know what it would be. All we could do was cry out to God and trust Him for the answer. What a reminder of our daily dependence upon His grace and mercy. We're always ... at every single moment of our lives, just that needy and dependant. It's just moments like this one that remind us of that truth.
Currey will undergo tests tomorrow on his heart and kidneys. The best news is that he knew me when he saw me, and he is ALIVE. Our prayers remain that there is no long term damage to his other organs. Again, we'll have to pray and trust.
Life is never predictable is it? I'm just thankful that God is faithful ... and Currey is alive.

Hug the ones you love and be thankful tonight ~

Brad on sleep study

2007-08-04T07:58:00.000-04:00

This weekend, my niece Katie and her fiance', Billy, are staying here at our house. Brad and Billy have been sleeping together in Ben's room. Ben has an awesome king bed with two of those egg-crates under the sheets. It's quite squishy and wonderful. So yesterday they woke up and Billy looked at Brad and said, "Man, Ben's bed is a whole lot more comfortable than my bed in Georgia." Brad looked at him all sleepy-eyed and said, "Man, if you think this bed is comfortable, you should try my mom's bed. It's a Tempurpedic ... and it'll give you 8 hours! AND, if you put a glass of wine on it and jump up and down ... it won't turn the glass over. It absorbs all the energy. I'm not quite sure what that means, but it absorbs all the energy!"

After Billy regained consciousness from laughing so hard, he came in our room to tell us. That child, that child.

Peace and light ~
I'm going to run off the overindulgent piece of Katie's birthday cake I ate last night!

Brad on power outages

2007-08-02T20:45:00.001-04:00

Recently we had a string of thunderstorms move through town. In the process, our cable got knocked out - taking our internet access as well as our television connection. The outage lasted about 4 hours. Around hour two, Brad came huffing into the office where I was taking advantage of the time by doing some much needed filing. Brad sat down at my computer and tried to connect to the internet. When it became obvious to him that the connection was not being made, he turned to me - raised both fists high in the air and yelled, "Why does NONE of the technology in this house work??!!!!"

Oh my stinkin' stars ... "technology"??? He freaks me out.

Have a great night ~

First Edits

2007-08-01T13:43:00.000-04:00

Well, yesterday I received the first edits of my second adult book, When Casseroles Cease. I was lying (laying, lain ... whatever) in the bed last night working on going through it, and it was so interesting to see even three years after completing it, how God has continued to grow and stretch me into who He's created me to be. I had to edit in some additions to allow for some of those continued changes in my life. It is such a blessing to see how God is continually at work to grow us ... redefine us ... and mold us into stronger, more vibrant children. We are all truly works of grace, in progress.
I am so excited about this book ... and I can NOT wait for it to go to press. Where my first book HAD to be the first book ... this next one is not only the next chronological installment, but much more directional in application. It is really what I think those who have encountered loss need to help them walk healing out for themselves. I still can't believe that all of this is happening. God has been SOOOOO faithful to show me that these books were, indeed, prompted by Him. My prayer is that they will bring hope and healing to many. Have an awesome day ... and stay tuned for the lastest from our funny man, later tonight.

Peace and love ~

Beginning Again

2007-07-31T00:25:00.000-04:00

I have a person in my life who is healing from losing a spouse in Iraq this past year. We became friends through a military contact who thought my past experiences would help me relate to her and her to me. We quickly became friends, and now we are like family. It is amazing how God can truly move heaven and earth to connect His children ~ as I live in NC, and she lives in AZ! I've watched her go from being a hollow, empty shell of a person ~ to a determined, believing woman who is learning how to live again. It was so difficult to observe her pain and suffering in those first weeks of our contact. I can only imagine how those closest to her felt. But as time has passed ... and is passing ... I see her opening her heart and eyes to the glorious future God has in store for her. She is clinging to Jer.29:11 ~ and she is finally starting to see how God does have plans to prosper her and not to harm her. For so long, she could only look down at what laid shattered at her feet ~ but now she has lifted her gaze and she is looking towards the horizon. I am so thankful for this growth in her and I am so thankful for a God ... a Father ... who holds us when we are broken ... who loves us even when we question what He is doing ... and who never abandons the works of His hands. Ginger and her 5 young children still have quite a journey ahead of them ... but I know that God has got amazing things in store for this little, precious family. No matter where you are tonight ... you can trust Him with your pain and broken dreams. Even then, He hears you and He loves you. Trust ... even when everything inside you wants to quit. It might be the most difficult thing to do ... but trusting will always lead to blessing. Always.

Peace and love ~

Brad on being a morning person

2007-07-31T00:16:00.000-04:00

Every morning this whole summer, our ritual has been the same. Mary wakes up first ~ gets a clean diaper ~ drinks her sippy-cup o' warm Silk Milk ~ and watches the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. By mid-episode Brad is usually awake and joins her for the show. While watching it this week, I noticed that when the show promped the viewer to respond verbally, Brad didn't sound so well. I said, "Brad are you feeling okay? You don't sound so good."
He replied, "Oh no Mom, I'm fine. It's just when I wake up ... for a while ... my throat is crooked."

Brad on false advertising

2007-07-30T00:19:00.000-04:00

After much begging on his part, Brad talked me into letting him sleep with me tonight while Steve is in Paris. Yes, I said Paris. I know, I'm mad, too. (smile) Before you get too excited, he pretty much only sees the airport. That helps. (bigger smile)
Anyway, Brad climbed in beside me and after about 10 minutes, he raised up on his elbow and said,
"I thought this Tempurpedic mattress is supposed to conform to my unique parts. Well ... it AIN'T formin'!!!!!"
I didn't dare ask what his "unique" parts were. Oh, there's never a dull moment with Brad around ...

Love and hugs,

Are you part of the rescue squad, or just driving by?

2007-07-25T21:38:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend last night. Were talking about grace. Sometimes it seems that we get so caught up in trying to live such perfect lives that we almost strangle under the burden of being righteous. I think there is a vast difference between trying to live a sanctified life, and trying to be perfect. It would seem that to be sanctified (more like Christ each day), would be living to please God. It would also seem that trying to be perfect, would be living to impress man ... or dodge man's scrutiny. I think some churches lend themselves to that more than others. In talking with my friend, we were discussing all of this in light of God's grace. We also wondered how we really measure up to the early church of Acts. I read about them, and it seems that they all were living to spur one another on. They were supportive ... they loved ... they shared in joy and in sorrow.
I told my friend the analogy that comes to my mind in regards to the modern church is this.

Inevitably, when on vacation, the traffic comes to a complete stand still on the interstate. You sit there burning gas for what seems an eternity, until finally you begin to creep along. When you get about 3 miles down the road, you see the aftermath of anything from a big-rig blowout, to a fender bender, to an all-out catastrophic collision. What has taken the traffic so long to move?? We all know it is because people have to stare and gaze at the situation as they pass by. Very few stop to help ... but hundreds love to watch.

This is how I often see the church. In this life, we all have our hard times. We're all human, and I believe God truly does understand that we are dust. When one of us stumbles, stammers, or out-and-out falls ... there are only a few that truly care enough to stop and help rescue and restore the injured. Most of the time, the rest just pass by the situation with either a genuine disappointment, or a haughty judgment ... all the while, failing to see that we are all capable of the same accidents in life ... the same pitfalls ... the same weaknesses. It just seems that when a Christian falls ... the thud is loud and people like to stare.
I must admit, I find myself judging a lot more than I'd like. I'm one of those in the car driving by with my nose pressed to the window ... instead of the one with a blood stained shirt pulling victims from the twisted metal. This is what has convicted my heart more and more since Rick's death. There are so many kinds of people I have judged, having never walked an inch ... much less a mile in their shoes.
While I do believe in church discipline, I also know that sometimes we ask that people live up to a terribly long "to do " list, spiritually speaking. People don't often share their weaknesses for fear of scorn ... and then they are left to go it in silence ... and often that leads to a train wreck.

I am seeking God diligently these days, asking Him to reveal His heart to me in this matter. We hear so much about tolerance these days ... there are no more standards ... anything goes. Well, that is not so. God has standards, and we are commanded to be holy as He is holy. However, "where sin doth abound, grace abounds all the more".
I just know that in my heart I really want to become the kind of Christian that pulls the car over, jumps out, and gets my shirt bloody as I try to lend a hand to helping with the disaster. I don't want to be the passer-by with my nose pressed to the window any more.

Grace and peace ~

Brad on Theology

2007-07-25T00:21:00.000-04:00

Tonight I was taking Brad to my parents house to spend the night. On the way, we were discussing the recent news story of the little dog getting between the 1 year old baby and the rattlesnake. If you haven't heard about it ... Google it. It's so awesome. Anyway, Brad was saying how that dog would certainly be in Heaven when she died ... and she'd have wings. I tried to explain how that wasn't really a Biblical truth ... but it was nice to imagine ... and certainly IF there were dogs in Heaven ... she would be right up there at the front of the line. I have to admit ... I rather like to think and hope our pets will be there with us! :)

So ... that leads to discussing the Bible in general, and Brad says, " Well you know Mom, the Bible isn't God's real Word." I said, "Well yes, Brad, it is His real Word. Why would you say that?"
"Because," he replied, " it's just dried ink. God's real Word is written in blood and that blood will never dry."

Woah. I didn't know what to say other than, "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us."

He might only be 6, but that was one profound statement. I love that little curly top boy!

Blessings and good nite ~

Our Daily Brad

2007-07-23T23:37:00.000-04:00

Brad is our 6 year-old, and resident curly haired comedian. I decided that since he says at least one side-splitting thing a day, I would begin posting them in a blog called, Our Daily Brad. This will be my first one. I'm so excited.

Brad on world-history:

Last week I ordered a book off Amazon called, Marie Antoinette ~ The Journey. It arrived with classic oil-painted rendition of her on the cover. When I walked in the den the night after it arrived, I found Brad sitting up in our wine colored wing back leather chair ... feet crossed, and mid-swig from a coffee cup. In his right hand, he held my Marie Antoinette book. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him ... not sure if I was more thrown by his beverage choice or his bedtime story choice. He finished his swig of coffee, put the mug on the end table, and said, "Aaaahhhh." Then he went back to looking at the book and realizing that I was standing there staring at him, he looked up and said, "This is very interesting. (thoughtful pause) Her tall hair sure is cuh-ray-zee!"

Oh my. What will he say next???

You never know the surprises God has in store

2007-07-23T22:36:00.000-04:00

You know, it's amazing to me how God is continually growing me and stretching me in new ways. I guess the proverbial "old dog/new tricks" doesn't apply to me. First, I'm not old ... stop laughing. Stop. Really. Second, I'm not a dog, although I have referred to myself as one with frequency. You ought to see my hair in the mornings ... and the way the pillowcase makes a nice little crease across my face leaving me looking like an old oil painting. We're talking doggie level people. However, I am not a dog ... just a little canine in the mornings. (smile)
One way God is stretching me is in the area of parenting, in particular, with my oldest son Ben. He's the one up there in the picture with the crutch. Don't ask me why he didn't put it down for the photo. I think it's because he thought it looked cool. I guess it kinda does.
His latest epiphany is that he wants to go to culinary school and be a chef. He has good reasons to back up his desire, but only time will tell. However, this announcement came after years of him saying he wanted to be a doctor. Since he was 6 years old, that is what he has said. However, leading up to him telling Steve and me that he wanted to go to culinary school, the Lord was already preparing me for the news. I had been sensing that Ben was developing and becoming much more "right brained" like me than "left brained" like Rick (my late husband) and who Ben had always seemed more like. As God was showing me these changes in Ben, He was also growing and changing my heart in some other areas that prepared me to be very accepting and supportive of Ben's news.
Now perhaps Ben will be on the Food TV channel one day facing off on Iron Chef ... "Ladies and Gentleman, today in kitchen stadium we will have a culinary battle of epic proportions. The ledgendary Mario Betalli will face off against new comer and recent culinary school graduate, Benjamin Francis-Peddycord!" The crowd will cheer and I will beam with pride. OR, mabye Ben will never chop, dice, and julienne amongst the culinary greats of kitchen stadium. Even so, I know that God has already been at work and blessed me with an amazing surprise in the process of trying to support Ben's dreams.
I will call her Annie.
She is in the admissions department of a culinary school Ben is interested in attending. Of all the culinary programs across America, we chose this one to investigate further, and Annie called us one day in response to a questionaire we filled out for Ben at their website. As Annie and I talked, we just sort of clicked. I can't say why, but we did. In the weeks leading up to our visit to the school for Ben to audit a class and for us to tour the facility, Annie and I talked several times. In fact by the time we arrived on the big day, I felt like I was going to see an old friend. When Annie came out of her office to greet us, we ran squealing at each other with arms extended and squeezed each other tight. Steve and Ben just rolled their eyes and said, "How do women do that???"
After a wonderful morning together, we parted ways and Annie, after learning about our story and that I had written books, wanted to get one. After returning home, I sent her one as a thank you, and she read it.
Here's the awesomest part ... she contacted me afterwards to share her heart with me. As it turns out, Annie has really undergone a very difficult year filled with complicated love, family illness, and lots of things to think about. She is such a precious person ... but she admitted to me that she is really searching for some spiritual significance in her life. She's so open to life, so open to the possibilities. She is also searching for truth. She and I both feel like it was no accident that God brought us into each other's lives. I know that He did. Annie's story, like mine, is being written every day that we breathe. I don't know how her's will end, but I know that God is pursuing her and He knows exactly what she needs. I am just so thankful that He allowed me the priviledge of being a piece of that story.
Amazing part is, if Ben had come to me 2 years ago with his desire to pursue the culinary arts, I would not have been open to it. But becasue of the work the Lord has been doing in my own heart, when Ben came to us with his heart ... I was ready. Had I not been ... I would have missed meeting Annie ... and I would never have been a piece of her life.

That is the heart of my post tonight. It screams the passage in scripture where it says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

In all these things coming together ... my heart ... Ben's desire ... our plans ... touring the school ... making a new friend ...
In all these things I can look back and see that God had something much bigger in mind than just a day at a culinary school. He was working things out for good ... and truly ... when it was all said and done ...
God is the One who had something "cookin'" all along.

There is no insignificant moments in God's eyes. I am so thankful that for that!

God bless you tonight ~

Profound thoughts from Steve

2007-07-13T12:14:00.000-04:00

One of the biggest blessings in the healing that took place after the death of my first husband, was the gift of my second husband. He has been a surprise from the Lord, to say the least.
Yesterday, he gave me some great material to use when I speak on being a "wIFe". You can check my website out for that description ... but in a nutshell, I have a speaking topic called "My life as a wIFe". Note that "wIFe" is spelled, "we" with a great big "IF" in the middle! As life would have it, I have fresh material for this talk all the time! :)
Yesterday was no exception.
I returned home from the grocery store to find that I was running low on time before our dinner guests arrived. Steve chose the wrong time to walk through the kitchen. I promptly put him to work. First thing ... "Honey, would you mind putting these salad dressings in the fridge door to cool down before we eat?" Kindly, he smiled and turned around, heading for the bags to unload my bounty of Newman's and Hidden Valley.
When he opened the door to the refrigerator, he looked into the crowded door filled with bottles, jars, and containers. He sighed heavily, and proceeded to unload the whole fridge door onto my countertop. Now, let me say, this is EXACTLY the same sort of behavior I have seen out of my father over the years. My mother will ask him to stop and help her do something that is easy ... and he(and his enormous left brain) will have to reorganize, label, and color code whatever the project is centered around. It drives Daddy crazy to see how Mama lets things get ... ummm ... "right-brainy". We creative types must have our outlets. You could eat off Mama's or my kitchen floor with no risk of disease ... but stay out of our fridges and sock drawers. It isn't pretty.
So, back to yesterday. Steve is so much like my father, and so he dove right in to correct my "right-brainy disorder". Observing this from the other side of the kitchen ... and knowing our guests were most likely on their way across town ... I released a low, gutteral growl and said, "You're doing that thing my father does." Steve looked up at me with sticky, half-full bottles of dressing that expired 7 years ago and unashamedly stated, "That's because you are doing that thing your mother does."

Touche'

Score:
Steve 1
Marlo 0

Hello, my name is Marlo Francis, and I am a blogger...

2007-07-12T23:25:00.000-04:00

Well, it's day two as a blogger, and I'm still pretty much clueless. :)

I know that there is much to learn where all these inserts, edits, and links are concerned ... and the biggest problem is that I'm just at the place where I'm still marvelling at the technology of compact disks. I mean, all those feet of metallic cassette tape ribbon ... all condensed down to a little silver disk. Fascinating. Yeah ... see? I'm wah-hay behind the times. Blogging? What's that? Isn't that a dance you do with little clicky shoes behind some sweaty Irish guy? Ooooohhh ... not that? Well now ... I can see why I'm here in cyberspace all alone.

I'll end for tonight and hopefully learn something new about this world tomorrow. I'm going to attempt to add a photo before I go. Eeeeks, I'm all nervous now. :)

For those of you who stumble upon this, just know that my goal is to create a nice cozy place for us to talk about healing. Until then ... bear with me while I turn clogging into blogging. :)

Blessings tonight,

Marlo

Grieving, blogging, and really cute shoes

2007-07-11T23:50:00.000-04:00

Wow, I'm finally leaping into the 21st Century with both feet. I've always prided myself on being rather hip for an old 30-something, but the blogging is even way more progressive than the cute strappy shoes I just ordered from Macy's. :) After an amazing week at a bookseller's convention, I just arrived home exhausted ... but anxious to try out this whole "bloggy" thing myself. If I'm just no good at being quite this modern, and I can't figure out how to "drag and drop" all the appropriate things to make this site awesome ... then I'll retreat to just being a hip 30-something with really cute shoes. It could be worse. :)

My hope with this blogsite is to create a way to communicate with those of you out there that are full of words about loss. Over the last 10 years I have learned to make room in my life and heart for an entity that I call, The Unkind Companion. That is what I named loss when it invaded my world. There's not much you can do to stop it when it comes for a call, is there? On June 4th, 1997, my husband and father-in-law were killed in a mid-air collision. That is the day The Unkind Companion imposed its way into my life ... and I've learned over time, to make room for it. I believe that you can, too.

I have learned to live again, and thankfully, I've made peace with that part of my past. How are you doing with it in your life? If you have experienced loss ... through death, divorce, or any other disappointment in life ... I'd love to hear your comments and feedback. Along with being a loss survivor ... I am a writer, and my books deal with grief and how to put your life back together when everything falls apart. I'm always looking for the perspectives of others to help shape my thoughts and advice as I write, so your feelings are so valuable ... and valid. I will look forward to visiting with you, and in advance ... thanks for being willing to share your heart.

You can check out my website if you'd like. I hope to somehow link these two together somehow ... but Lord knows, I'll take one step at a time. I'm going to need Advil from just figuring out how to create this blogsite on my own. :) My web address is, www.dreamedforme.com
If you are interested in my first book which deals with the very initial stages of grief, it is called ... you guessed it ... The Unkind Companion ~ Learning to Live with Loss. It is available at any online retailer. Just thought I'd mention it ... in case you were looking for resources to help shoulder the pain. It's my way of hugging everyone's heart!

Blessings to you all, and I will look forward to hearing your thoughts and feelings!

Our Daily Brad Category

2007-07-01T22:40:00.000-04:00