Thirsting for Truth

It seems of late, that I have been really thirsty. Really, really thirsty. Like - salty, jumbo, movie popcorn thristy. Like - advanced, hour-long, triple-tier step aerobics class thristy. Like - first thing in the morning, even before you brush your teeth or stretch thristy. Yeah, you get the picture.

What have I been so thirsty for? Simple.

Truth. God's Word. Direction.

It makes me think of a time ...
About six years ago I hit a bit of a burn out season. Brad had been born in June. I began home schooling Ben. Steve was gone a lot with the airlines. My speaking ministry was growing. I was tired and my tank was running low. So, we packed up one weekend in October and went to my parents vacation home on a river in eastern North Carolina. It was just what I needed. I'm telling you the truth, not even the banjo players from "Deliverance" could find this place. It is waaaaay out there in the sticks. Just perfect for what I needed.
However, hunting season was cranking up and somehow, people found it. Now that I think about it, I'm sure the banjo players were even there.

On our first morning, I gathered my Bible and a blanket and went down to sit on the picnic table by the river for my quiet time. I just felt as if I'd burst if I didn't get into the Word. It was such a perfect setting to be fed. God did a tremendous thing for me that morning. He gave me an image I will never forget.

As I got wrapped up and comfy for my quiet time and opened the Scriptures to feast, I began hearing guns going off in the distance. It was eerie to hear so many rifles going off around me while I sat there on the picnic table. I thought to myself, "Bambi is out there somewhere this morning ... and he's scared to pieces!" (I'm such a girl)
I tried to get my mind back on the Bible when suddenly, I heard rustling in the brush just down from me. As I watched, a small deer emerged from the undergrowth and made its way down to the edge of the water. It bent its head down and began drinking. It drank and drank ... and drank -- all the while the rifles were going off at regular intervals all around us. It didn't seem to even phase the deer. It was so satisfied by the cool morning water that it drank as if it knew it was completely safe with no threat anywhere nearby.

As I sat there staring in disbelief, I felt the Lord begin to whisper in my heart:

"Marlo, are you so unlike this tiny creature? Are you not both here at this very moment for the same reasons? You are both thirsty and weary ... and the guns are sounding off in both your lives ... but look at how My creation trusts Me more than you. That deer might not make it through the day, yet she drinks in total peace. You, on the other hand, are not so calm. You've let the cares of this world, get you frantic. You are burned out and worn out and stressed to the point of losing the peace I offer you freely. Look at this small deer ... study her ... and as you sit now and drink of My Word ... learn from her and live above the gunshots ... above the things that threaten you day by day. Drink and drink ... and drink -- and let Me be your Watchman. Let Me keep you at peace."

Sometimes it is difficult to ignore the gunshots. However, I think of that deer often ... and how her thirst outshined her instinct to run and hide.

Right now at this point in my life, I am that thristy. I am thirsty enough for God's Word and His truth ... HIS truth ... that it outshines my instincts to retreat, or run, or hide from anything that would delay or hinder my growth. God has been revealing Himself to me in new and undenyable ways this summer. I want more. I feel as if I'm reading the Bible for the first time in some ways. I am thristy.

How precious is the flow ~
of Living Water.

Drink like the deer ... and drink in peace.

Legalism Agitates the Flesh

With school starting for my kiddos, it's been difficult to get on here to write. I've missed you. Plus, now Katie will stop hounding me to post a fresh thread. Man, I can't believe how much she gets paid by Gulf-Stream to read blogs. Bahhahaha

I visited a church Sunday and the sermon was awesome. It was exactly in line with everything I feel God has been showing me and growing in me this summer. It's been an amazing growth summer for me. I'll post it all one day. It will be a doozy. Right Katie?

This sermon began by the pastor, Jason Sink of Grace Fellowship PCA, showing us this imaginary line. He said, "Now over here on this end you have legalism. On the other end you have license. Legalism is the tendency to adhere to strict rules/laws in order to impress God with your goodness and loyalty. It is also the way you look at others to judge whether or not they are "doing Jesus" as well as you are. It is how you judge yourself. License is the polar opposite. You judge no one, however, you also tend to use your gift of salvation as a license to indulge in any and everything you desire. You say, 'Well, if I'm saved I can do whatever I want and I'm covered.' Often people think that the Gospel of Jesus works as a sort of balance between these two extremes, but I don't think that is the intent of the Gospel by any means."

The body of the sermon from that point on was explaining this in more detail. It was so great on every level. The best part for me was when he said this,
"Legalism does nothing except stir up and agitate the flesh, because it is based on the flesh. The more you restrict something, the more attention it can take on in your life." Okay, insert here my thoughts. I could not agree with this more. I know from experience that this can be true. When you restrict something or it is forbidden by the teaching you grew up with, then not only do you not do that certain thing, but you can hyper focus on it and not only that, but you soon begin judging others by it. Now, I'm not talking about Biblical clarity ... as in, some things are spelled out in black and white as to being wrong and as believers, we clearly are to not participate (adultery, murder, etc.) I mean the "laws" we can accumulate in our Christian lives and how we focus on them as markers to see how we are measuring up and how others are measuring up. That is not good, people.
Back to Jason's sermon.
He said, "We begin to think that these restrictions in our lives keep us from faltering ... keep up living upright. You then can say that law-keeping keeps you living for Christ. But I say that this is not so. I say that the GOSPEL is what should keep you living upright. It is not by the restrictions that you should be kept in control, it is by the Gospel of Jesus being realized in everything you do. That is what keeps you straight ... not laws."
Man that is awesome preaching. That is why he said that the Gospel is not the mid-point, or balance between legalism and license. He said that it is, rather, the realization in our lives, our heart, and our minds that we have been bought with a price. That we are children of the law-giver. That we are now Holy because HE is Holy. He said, "Man, if you will just grasp the awesomeness of that and then just go live it ... that will be the one thing that makes sure you are not being too lenient or too strict. Just go live out that truth ... go live Jesus out in the world ... and be free."

Wee-doggies peeps, that is so on target with what I believe that it makes me have goosebumps on my scalp. I can't say how much I think Jason is right on the money with everything he said.
It is so, so, so, so easy to use "laws" to keep us "in line" and "living Godly". But how about just taking your walk with the Lord so serious ... being so in tune with what He's done for you ... loving Him so much ... that, that alone is what governs your behavior all the time ... 24/7? How about being so committed to Christ that you can dare to live in total freedom knowing that's all you need to not micro-manage yourself to death?

I don't know guys, what do you think about this? Let me know your heart on it, as I am still on this journey, too. It's just some real good juicy stuff to chew on.

Brad on the Clinker

We were coming home from taking the babysitter back and Brad was in his car seat looking at the paper. In it was an ad for the Humane Society. It was a photo of a German Shepherd-like dog in a kennel. With a very confused and irritated sound in his voice, Brad boomed,
"How in the heck did this dog end up in prison???"

I just didn't have the energy to explain. I just said, "Gee son, I don't know what he did. It must have been bad, though." Inside I was rolling.

day of blessing

Wow, today has been an incredible day of blessing for me! It was a crazy, hectic day ... but oodles of provision and mercy gushed my way and I am so thankful!!! If I weren't so bloomin' tired I would dance a jig! Well ... at least I'm dancin' in my heart! :)

It began with a conversation with my dear friend, Denise, while on the way to help with "Apple Day" at Brad's new school. I have been praying about the Lord providing me with a new round of babysitters for my ministry work. God has always given me the help I need with child care to make my speaking ministry work smoothly ... but the two young ladies that have been staying on the occasions that Steve and I are both gone at the same time are both entering into very busy seasons of their lives ... one about to start her senior year of high school (reentering public school after many years of homeschooling), and the other just left for Colorado Springs for Christian mission work. So, I've been trying to replace them, and that is not an easy task because they are both awesome. :)
While talking, Denise mentioned a young lady who is 19 and from a family of ... hold on to your hats ... 13 children. Needless to say, she has child care experience. Wowzahs. She has a precious heart for the Lord, and she has her EMT certification. I prayed hard as I dialed the phone ... and after a wonderful conversation, both she and two of her sisters have agreed to be my upcoming new help! Praise the LORD ALMIGHTY!!!!! They already agreed to help with my engagements in September and October ... and that is amazing. I can stop worrying!!! Yeah Jesus!!

I am going to bed tonight with a tremendous weight off my heart.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye Heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Amen.

Brad on Sentiment

After arriving home from his first day of first grade this afternoon, Brad and I set out to make his "All About Me" poster. There was a section to put a picture of your pets. I printed two pictures: one of our current pet, a black lab named Selah. The other was of a dog we had to give away several years ago. Her name was Gracie, and she was sweet and cute ... but she had a neighborhood shoe collection that couldn't be curbed. We had to give her to a family who could more readily afford her fetishes.

Even though Brad was tiny when we had Gracie, he's never forgotten her ... and never quite forgiven us for giving her away. So, because he loved her so, I printed a picture of her to go on the poster. When I showed it to him, instead of wanting to put it on the poster, he got a very sad face and plopped down in the chair.
I said, "Brad, Gracie will always be your pet, even if she lives on a farm somewhere else. Won't it make you feel good to tell your friends at school about her?"
Brad said, "No, it won't ... and in fact, now I feel sad and mad. Thanks a lot Mom ... congratulations!"
It was so hard not to start laughing at the way he threw his hands out to stress the word ... but I maintained a straight face.
I replied, "Brad, I am so sorry that seeing her picture made you feel sad. I would never do something to purposefully make you feel sad. I am really sorry."
He looked up at me with a rather "put out" look on his face as he tartly retorted, "Well ... sorry dut'n sweeten my tea!"

Oh Heavens.

Brad on 70's music

We were driving down the road this week, and I had a movie soundtrack playing in the CD player. Brad was quietly listening in the back seat until he broke his silence with the following:

"You know mom, she sounds an awful lot like Carole King."

I was like ... "Wwhhhhaaattt? How do you know Carole King?"


How many 6 year-olds know who Carole King is? Thing is ... she sounded just like Carole King. No kidding.

Ants, leaks, and other late summer delights

Ahhhhh, late summer. The air is heavy with moisture ... only, no rain. The breeze blows slightly ... only, it's like hair dryer temperature. The leaves begin to fall ... only, it's not because autumn is on its way, it's because the trees are dying from sheer exhaustion. Yes, it's late summer ... and I am miserable.
So ... it would only make sense that in this joyous time of year that our favorite house guests came to visit.
The ants.
No, not the aunts ... the ANTS.
When I walked into the kitchen this week they were having a frat party in the middle of my floor. Hundreds of the little boogers were circling my rug, climbing my cabinetry, and making themselves at home on my island. I think one of them was making an omelet when I came in. They were doing the limbo, wearing togas, drinking olive oil, and having an all around smashing time.
I FREAKED out. I hate ... no, loathe ants. I hate any bug of any kind doing any sort of thing in my house.
So, I called Terminex.

Then, we found that the pipes under the sink had started to leak and I had to pull every single thing that has been crammed under there for the last 6 years out to clean it up.
So, I called Delta Plumbing.

Then, Mary came to the den door where I have a little baby gate up to keep her corralled ... and she had done such a sweet, thoughtful thing. Not only had she become aware of the fact that she had laid an Easter Egg in her diaper ... she had happily removed it and presented it to me in her hands.
So, I called Steve.

AAAAARRRRRRUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Will autumn puh-leeze hurry up and get here? I might still have all these same things to deal with ... but at least my upper lip won't be sweating and I'll be, in general, a more pleasant person to deal with. I keep much mo bettah in the cold!

Who's with me??

Jehovah Shalom

Sunday at church, the minister was continuing with his summer series on the names of God. We studied "The God of Peace" and it was so, so good. As Pastor Mark Key of the Central United Methodist Church here in Asheboro began sharing what Jehovah Shalom was all about, suddenly so many things started coming together in my heart. He started describing something I had been trying to put into words for a while, but just hadn't realized I was talking about peace. It was like a flood washing over me!

I've been "counseling" so to speak with a young woman who came into my life as a military widow back in January. Now, she is more like a sister. When she came for a visit earlier in the year, we sat and talked for hours about what she had been through with the death of her husband in Iraq. I told her so many things, but chief among them was this point that kept rising to the top.
I said, "It is so tempting to look right down at your feet where all your dreams lay shattered on the ground. Out of sheer exhaustion and pain you let your head hang there and stare at all you've lost. However, at some point, out of a sheer act of the will ... you must raise your gaze to the horizon of your life and you have to go against all your feelings and say, 'I don't know how God will do it ... but I believe that somehow He will make a way for me - that He's still in control of my life - and that He will use this for something good in the future.' You must say that before you feel it. If you wait until you feel it to say it ... it will never get said. However, if you can just get yourself to start saying it and believe it to be true ... eventually your feelings will follow. And then, it will become so."

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting this doctrine of claiming that a black convertible Beemer will appear in the driveway in Jesus' name and it will be there when you get up in the morning. But, what I do mean is that sometimes you just have to say and to yes, claim, the things you know to be true. When you are crushed and broken, you need to hear yourself say what you know to be true, even when you don't feel it. Especially when you don't feel it. If you are standing on what you know to be true, eventually, your feelings will trust again and follow you there. After hearing Pastor Mark's sermon, I realize that this is the very essence of what having "peace in the midst of the storm" is all about. It's not some cozy, warm-fuzzy feeling when the world is caving in around you. It is, rather, a steely knowledge that upholds you when every foundation in your life is shaking. It is clinging to the hope that God is the great "I Am" ... when you are the shattered "Who am I?" living in the world of "Where am I?" It is making yourself look to that, trusting that at some point you will not only believe it, but feel it's warmth again, too.

So Pastor Mark helped me put definition around what I had been thinking and saying for so long. He said that peace is not a feeling in the truest sense of the word. He said that peace is a choice ... a sheer act of the will. He said that it is a deep abiding knowledge that no matter what happens in our lives, we believe that ultimately, God is in control and our eternity is secure. That is peace that passes all understanding.

So that is what I was saying to my girlfriend. You choose to raise your gaze. You choose to say you trust Him. You choose to go against your feelings and say what you know to be true. You choose to have peace.

Then the healing comes.

Thanks Pastor Mark for your inspiring sermon. Thank you for showing me that all I've been saying for a long time now without realizing it, is that peace is a choice we make when everything inside us is raging. And it is worth it.

Choose peace, and eventually, you will feel peaceful.

Finished my edits

Ladies and gentlemen,

Tonight's blog is short and sweet. I finally finished my first edits on book numero 2, and I just emailed it back to Tate!! Yeah!!! (Thunderous applause)
I am officially brain dead and ready to finally get a good night's sleep. Good goo, it's not quite midnight. I haven't been to bed this early in a while. I need it.

So, tomorrow's blog will make up for tonight's lame entry. I have some stuff to share ... I'm just very much in need of catch up rest. Until then, goodnight!

Freedom

I know I haven't written anything of real substance since Tuesday night, and I'm sorry I've been out of the blogging loop. After Currey had his heat stroke, it was followed by my sister having knee surgery ... so this week has flown by and I've been on the run a lot. Katie reminded me last night with her e-mail saying,
"post a new posttttttttt.

thank you. :)

love, k"

It's nice to be missed. Thank you, KK, and Happy 22nd Birthday! (smile)

Well, the journey continues on ...

I just observed something in Mary-Marlowe that was so profound. My children serve as constant reminders of how the Lord must see me so much of the time.
She was on the floor playing and she had one of my ponytail holders in the mix of toys on the carpet. She picked it up and worked for a few minutes trying to get it on her leg. Over her little slipper ... over her heel ... then her ankle. Finally, she got it up onto her calf. In a few minutes she realized that it didn't feel so good ... it pinched ... and she wanted it off. She sat back down and started trying to undo what she had worked so hard to achieve just a little while before. After struggling unsuccessfully she began to whine ... then cry ... then finally she erupted into a full blown wail as she jumped up and ran to me ... holding up her leg for me to rid her of this unwanted burden. Easily and effortlessly I reached down and took it off. The biggest giggle of thanksgiving gurgled from Mary's heart as she smiled and reached out her hand for the ponytail holder. Reluctantly I offered it back to her.
She immediately turned around, walked across the floor, plopped down, and started trying to put it back over her foot.
Now why in the world did she do that? Why would she have so quickly forgotten the discomfort of her previous perdiciment and launched right back into the very burden from which I had just freed her?
~ Booyah ~
As I watched in amazement, I realized that I am not so unlike my little Mary-Mouse. How many times have I gotten myself into situations that haven't felt so good once I got to where I was going? How many times have I felt the "pinch" of a circumstance? As I have tried to do and undo things in my life ... I realize that my ability to fix my situations are fruitless ... my vision blurry ... my heart heavy. First, I whine ... then I cry ... then I erupt into a wail as I run to the Father to help me find freedom or an answer or a band-aid. Easily and effortlessly He has reached down time and time again to loose me from myself and then .... oh too often ... what have I done?
Well, you can figure the rest out for yourself. Let's just say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I am so thankful God showed me this today. It is so tempting to take freedom for granted. I don't want to waste any of this precious life repeating the things that have tethered me in the past. God has been showing me so much lately about how I have lived with pinchy ponytail holders around my spirit in different areas. I've let some of my convictions be man-made rather than Scripture breathed. I've run to Him ~ to His Word for answers. And I've found them. I will not sit back down and start pulling those old dogmas over my feet again. This time I will not lose the giggle of thanksgiving and repeat the bondage. This time, I will embrace the freedom of my Father and beg for more. I want to know Him ... and His heart in all things. I want to see the world the way He sees the world. I want to minister to His creation with nothing fueling my feet except the purity of His Heart beating in mine. I don't ever want to bound again.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

If I am not mistaken, the word "yoke" in the Greek means, "ponytail holder around the calf". Teehee

Be free in Him, and stand firm!
Blessings ~

Brad on Dora and Diego

Sometimes Brad cracks me up with his moments of reason and realistic thinking. He has no problem biting off on the idea that four turtles can dress in primary colors and kick badguy butt ... but throw Dora the Explorer and her cousin Diego in the picture and all the sudden he becomes Mr.Reality.

We were just reading before bed and the book was called, Diego Saves the Tree Frogs. In it, Diego calls on his trusty camera, Click, to zero in on the tree frogs when they fall into the river. As we were reading along, Brad came to the page with Click. Above her lens shined her bright smiling face and with disgust, Brad said the following:

"Mom, isn't Click just a camera?"
I replied, "Yes, she's just a camera."
With that pulled down eyebrow and a big wince on his face, he said, "Well if she's just a camera, then why in the HECK does she have eyeballs and eyebrows staring back at me????? Hello?? Cameras do NOT have eyeballs!"

You Never Know What a Day Holds

Well, today was one of those days that makes you so thankful for every little insignificant thing in your life. It was one of those days that reminds you just how fragile life is and just how much our every breath depends on the Lord.
It began like every other ordinary day. I went to Greensboro with my mother to return some shoes. We planned on a nice lunch to follow, and a chance to catch up on the weekend's events. Then the call came.
All the sudden everything came to a screeching halt. Our dear friends, The Nobles, have a son, Currey. He is a rising Freshman at Asheboro High School, as well as an amazing athlete, committed Christian, brainiac, and all around awesome guy. I'm telling you ... this kid is truly one in a million. You just can't say anything bad about him. He's the real deal.
At soccer practice this morning it was already sweltering hot by 8am. The coach was demanding too much from the guys without enough care being administered and the long and short of it is that Currey suffered a major heat stroke. He was rushed to Winston-Salem, NC ... Brenner Children's Hospital ... where thankfully he began to respond and improve. At the time of my call today, we still didn't know what the outcome would be. All I knew was that the stroke was severe and he wasn't responding. As Steve and I drove to the hospital, I was reminded of the day Rick died and how sudden bad news leaves you numb and afraid. It just feels so out of control. It's horrible.
Thankfully, Currey's outcome was joyful ... however, on the ride over ... we didn't know what it would be. All we could do was cry out to God and trust Him for the answer. What a reminder of our daily dependence upon His grace and mercy. We're always ... at every single moment of our lives, just that needy and dependant. It's just moments like this one that remind us of that truth.
Currey will undergo tests tomorrow on his heart and kidneys. The best news is that he knew me when he saw me, and he is ALIVE. Our prayers remain that there is no long term damage to his other organs. Again, we'll have to pray and trust.
Life is never predictable is it? I'm just thankful that God is faithful ... and Currey is alive.

Hug the ones you love and be thankful tonight ~

Brad on sleep study

This weekend, my niece Katie and her fiance', Billy, are staying here at our house. Brad and Billy have been sleeping together in Ben's room. Ben has an awesome king bed with two of those egg-crates under the sheets. It's quite squishy and wonderful. So yesterday they woke up and Billy looked at Brad and said, "Man, Ben's bed is a whole lot more comfortable than my bed in Georgia." Brad looked at him all sleepy-eyed and said, "Man, if you think this bed is comfortable, you should try my mom's bed. It's a Tempurpedic ... and it'll give you 8 hours! AND, if you put a glass of wine on it and jump up and down ... it won't turn the glass over. It absorbs all the energy. I'm not quite sure what that means, but it absorbs all the energy!"

After Billy regained consciousness from laughing so hard, he came in our room to tell us. That child, that child.

Peace and light ~
I'm going to run off the overindulgent piece of Katie's birthday cake I ate last night!

Brad on power outages

Recently we had a string of thunderstorms move through town. In the process, our cable got knocked out - taking our internet access as well as our television connection. The outage lasted about 4 hours. Around hour two, Brad came huffing into the office where I was taking advantage of the time by doing some much needed filing. Brad sat down at my computer and tried to connect to the internet. When it became obvious to him that the connection was not being made, he turned to me - raised both fists high in the air and yelled, "Why does NONE of the technology in this house work??!!!!"

Oh my stinkin' stars ... "technology"??? He freaks me out.

Have a great night ~

First Edits

Well, yesterday I received the first edits of my second adult book, When Casseroles Cease. I was lying (laying, lain ... whatever) in the bed last night working on going through it, and it was so interesting to see even three years after completing it, how God has continued to grow and stretch me into who He's created me to be. I had to edit in some additions to allow for some of those continued changes in my life. It is such a blessing to see how God is continually at work to grow us ... redefine us ... and mold us into stronger, more vibrant children. We are all truly works of grace, in progress.
I am so excited about this book ... and I can NOT wait for it to go to press. Where my first book HAD to be the first book ... this next one is not only the next chronological installment, but much more directional in application. It is really what I think those who have encountered loss need to help them walk healing out for themselves. I still can't believe that all of this is happening. God has been SOOOOO faithful to show me that these books were, indeed, prompted by Him. My prayer is that they will bring hope and healing to many. Have an awesome day ... and stay tuned for the lastest from our funny man, later tonight.

Peace and love ~